Category Archives: love

August 29, 2016

You Haven’t Heard the Worst Yet

100_7514222222222 Several years ago, I wrote a blog post on my old blog (The Knightly News), “Hard Words”, and I thought not of the blog itself, but of the words that are hard to hear.

Most people have experienced a time in their lives when they heard things that were hard to hear–I’ve had my share just like the next person. When my doctor told me on August 2 that she didn’t have good news for me–I suspected the next words would be “hard” to hear. I was right. Cancer. The word itself is ugly and suggests pain will follow.

Yesterday as my husband, Jeff and I were driving to Mayo, Florida to share our heart and passion for Bolivia and our calling there, God reminded me that the words I had heard, breast cancer, were not the hardest words to hear. Neither is any other kind of cancer.

WAIT a second before you get aggravated with me–I know you just said to yourself and possibly the computer screen, “she does not know what she’s talking about”. No, you’re right. I don’t know your circumstance. But I do know–beyond doubt that you- nor I have ever heard the hardest words to hear.

Hearing the words

your husband has been in an accident;
your son is in jail;
I’m leaving you;
you have cancer;
I hate you;
you’re fired;
we’re broke;
your son is gay;
your daughter is a prostitute;
your wife is on drugs; or
your parent is dying”…..

those are all hard words to hear. Harder still to walk through. But the hardest words–in the world to hear will be:

Depart from Me, I never knew you….

²¹“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. ²²Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’²³And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’ Matthew 7:21-23 NKJV

There is no going back and re-doing anything. No rehab, no new job, no hospital, no surgery, no amount of praying, nothing–can change or fix this…

“depart from Me”...that’s an eternal shift in your destination. That’s the hardest words ever….That’s permanent. It wasn’t what you thought. YOU imagined that everything was okay. YOU fixed it in your mind that all was well…when actually, nothing could be further from the truth.

After my 2nd mammogram of the year came back with good news that “whatever” it was (cyst we thought) was shrinking–and the radiologist felt confident there was no need for a biopsy or further tests–I gave a sigh of relief. God was working on my behalf and taking care of this and I need not fear.

Then in just a tiny little-old week it seemed a small knot, or area of discomfort was aggravating me at times–admittedly, I tossed it off as just bruising from the mammogram. And it seemed to come and go in being tender and sometimes painful–but as weeks turned into months, it grew and so did the aggravation. Many mornings I would put my hand on it and pray and ask the LORD to take care of it. I felt completely confident that He would. I was not afraid. I chalked it up to a cyst and knew I had another appointment coming up and it would be cleared by then.

Then the week before that appointment came, as I was praying on the back porch during my quiet time, I was assaulted by the enemy. He threw everything at me. Every fear imaginable. The biggest fear was that I would leave this world without accomplishing what God had assigned me.

God quickly reminded me “fear not”. He didn’t create the fear–and He was not a giver of fear. He was ready to give me peace, life and love–all I had to do was open my hands and heart, release the fear and take hold of the faith. I did just that. Peace flooded and remained-even on the day I sat in front of my doctor as she gave me the news. Peace. It was surreal–how I could have peace in the midst of such news.

I did weep– but I held the tears in check as I left the office and waited until I had gotten in my car and was headed out of the parking lot. I didn’t cry a lot then– God was truly holding me up! I didn’t want to cry– I wanted to hear from God. I wanted Him to assure me that this was all a part of HIS plan…and that’s exactly what I got. Not all at one time of course, but over the next few days–God let me know through HIS WORD–this was already covered.

Believe me–I’ve cried some since then–there was the scary things in the hospital that I’ve already told you about, there was the emotional feelings when the bandages were removed…there was the fear and feeling of weakness, insecurities of all kinds, but then, on top of all of that, there has been love. Tons of it. From friends, family and most of all, from my Abba Father. God has simply amazed me.

Some people think (as I have been guilty of) that tears are a sign of weakness. No. Cry. If you are afraid, cry. If you are hurting, cry. Tears relieve stress. I never was a big crier–and actually find it difficult to tolerate a cry-baby attitude in an adult, but I have learned my tears do have a purpose. Crying during praise and worship is healing… Crying in prayer…healing.

Unfortunately (or maybe not), I do tend to hold the lid on tighter than most so that when they do come–it’s a gusher. But through this journey–I have given myself leniency to cry. Whenever I feel it coming on–I let it happen. Remember that old song, “Tears Are A Language God Understands”… true.

When the hard words come–tears often join. Almost always.

About a week ago, I encountered something that brought the tears hot and fast. My emotions sank to the bottom of the ocean. I didn’t understand–but God did. He sees all, knows all and is always able no matter the cause or reason. I’ve needed Him as never before–and HE has proven He’s able and available.

Tomorrow I will visit the chemo plant and radiation store. (Not really a plant and not really a store) I will get set up for the next leg of this journey and I’m expecting those days to flow with the presence of God as I’ve yet to see….I’m looking for Him to be there–every step.

As our youngest daughter reminded me–the enemy meant for this to be a road block, but it’s just a speed bump–God has everything under control. Bolivia is still in sight. It will take more than cancer to remove the call on our lives.

So, what about you friend? Have the hard words in your life completely stopped your progress? Are you faltering, flailing about in confusion? Those hard words aren’t the end for YOU. They could be the beginning of what He has NEXT… Maybe a new assignment… A new purpose… Either way, let those be your reminder that you are still living and breathing and able to keep your hand safely tucked into the hand of Jesus. Invite Him to take charge of your life if you’ve been doing it solo. There is nothing you will encounter in this life that He cannot handle…and He will strengthen YOU in your weakness….He has done that for me.

Don’t wait around for the “depart from Me” words…Cry out to Him today. Now would be good.

Can I pray with you?

Heavenly Father, You are ever mindful of each one of us…of our circumstances and those arround us. You know our thoughts before they become words from our mouth. You know our hearts–every tiny detail of our lives is not hidden from You. Even in our worst condition You love us–so much that You sent Your only Son, Jesus for our sins. To pay our ransom. To give us life. Thank You Father for all You’ve done for me. I pray for the reader today–that You would flood them with an urgency to know You and submit their life to You today. Grant them the peace that only comes from You-right now. No matter their situation, sickness, disease or cirmcumstance…show UP for them right now. In the holy name of Your Son Jesus I pray, and believe–Amen.

5 Comments | posted in breast cancer, faith, love, Missions

August 11, 2016

More News

By Angie Knight

Dear friends,

First thank you for praying SO faithfully for my surgery. If you follow my blog, you know by now that I had a life changing diagnosis of breast cancer (ductal invasive carcinoma) on Tuesday, August 2, 2016.

God has been right beside me every step of the way. Surgery was the 5th to remove the mass and biopsy lymph nodes. They said at the time of surgery, it was self-contained. GREAT NEWS! They wound up doing a lumpectomy along with a partial mastectomy. Yeah–I cried too. If you see me out and about, I would love a gentle hug! I’ve had so many praying –I believe God has GREAT things ahead as we continue forward!

The good thing in all of this is that it was caught early–and as I am one to put things off to the LAST MINUTE, God gifted me with a lot of pain in the mass. This is not normal I am told. I was told by several in the medical field that growing cancers are usually not found due to pain. But mine hurt like crazy–almost continually. It was a gift. It kept me from putting it off any longer.

Pathology results aren’t in yet…but other details and news can be found on our other blog–

Please visit: jeffandangieknight.com

Bookmark the page so that you can keep up with what GOD is doing! And remember to pray for us as we continue to prepare for our mission field in Bolivia!

Leave a comment | posted in breast cancer, faith, Life, Life Issues, love, Missions

August 9, 2016

Christmas Day Excitement

By Angie Knight

Friday morning seemed to take f-o-r-e-v-e-r to get here. Really. It was not that anticipatory excitement of Christmas presents “forever”…more of the wisdom teeth cut out “forever”. Except, not exactly wisdom teeth.

For a couple of days, I had texted with two dear friends, one who is currently undergoing radiation for the same type of breast cancer, and one who had walked this road and found peace in the storm a few years ago. It’s her book, Beyond the Scars, and her words that have encouraged me to keep talking. I suppose–I would talk either way. One way would be in my filled up prayer journal- only a few pages left–or the other way would be here–out in the wide open spaces of the world wide web. I can’t let things harbor, sit and fester–I have to let things go.

The initial check in began quicker than I thought- it was later that the waiting nearly drove me nuts. Our daughters, Tiffany and April had spent the night with us the night before–neither one slept. They were nervous–anxious. I had been covered by the peace of God that truly passes all understanding. I had more than a handful of prayer warriors in their war rooms on my behalf. I actually slept pretty good. I laid down–God wrapped me up–and I drifted off–waking only at the usual times during the night when someone my age wakes up.

Once we were taken to a room, I was handed a precious looking gown to wear for the duration of my visit. If you know me at all–you know I’m kidding. I was still calm. Fairly. The nurse came by and welcomed me–told me what was going to be happening–that someone would come get me and take me somewhere and leave me and then someone else would pick me up and take me somewhere else and leave me then someone else would come pick me up and….. No. They forgot that part. I’m not upset–I just thought it might have been nice to mention the times I would spend alone in a hall and empty waiting area. That actually sounded like a dream didn’t it?

Well, it did kind of happen that way–it was standard procedure I am certain–every single detail of the day worked like a well oiled machine–I could tell they had LOTS of practice at this. And this hospital and staff were awesome. I told you that part to let you know what God did:

Before we arrived at this day, a friend sent me a facebook message. Shortened down, it said this: You are My daughter–I will be with you.

It did say a few more things–but the point I needed to know…He was my heavenly Father–and HE wasn’t going anywhere. At anytime.

On the way to the hospital God did this:

A dear pastor/friend send me a text message: “I’m praying for you. Isaiah 43:1-2”.

…“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by your name;
You are Mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they shall not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned,
Nor shall the flame scorch you. (NKJV emphasis mine)

Do you see what God did there–in both cases? Told me the same thing…I was HIS…and He’s not leaving my side.

When the first nurse wheeled me out to another floor-in another area to have a wire inserted (yes, gasp!) in the mass, and an ultrasound, and then radioactive dye shot IN (yes, please gasp again!), she was very kind and when she told me in advance, “this will hurt -but he will be as quick as possible”, I thought at least she gave me warning– I clinched my eyes shut, but then she said, “you can hold my hand if you want to”….uhm, YES please–hold my hand.

I grasped her right hand and thought of His Words that He would never leave me nor forsake me….

‘You are My servant,
I have chosen you and have not cast you away:
Fear not, for I am with you;
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you,
Yes, I will help you,
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ Isaiah 41:9(b)-10 NKJV

With my family in another part of the hospital, I was longing for my husband’s hand to hold. His hand had always brought me security–and peace–and I had relied on His strength for 34 years. But God was reminding me of something I knew, but perhaps had packed it up already for the mission field…It has always been God’s hands that has held us BOTH in all our times of struggles in life. No matter what the struggles have been –it’s been HIM.

Once the doctor and nurse had finished wiring me up, making me a little radioactive, I was wheeled off to another area of the hospital and left outside in an empty waiting area–in a dimly lit hallway. I suppose it was to make it more private and intimate feeling–I do think it did help. At least I didn’t feel quite so exposed out there alone…but I did feel alone…but just briefly. It was in that brief minute of feeling alone–that I felt God wrap me up. Tears rolled from my eyes as Fear tried his best to come in the room, but God in all His power and glory showed him the door. The next nurse came out and got me, ushered me gently in and did a new mammogram for the surgeon.

Once she finished up, she took me back to my room–where apparently a party was going on while my brother-in-law was telling the family some funny story.

With the larger portion of the family in the waiting room it was just my girls and darling man– April helped me in the bathroom and I collapsed on her in tears. I think the reserve from the past months of wondering had just exploded. I don’t know what happened–or how. Her skills as a nurse had not stopped kicking in–she is one amazing nurse. If you ever need a nursing home–you would be wise to move to Florida and find the one she works at–for real.

As I sat down, a memory from when she was a little bitty girl, dressed in ruffles, bows and lace came racing back to my mind. A church bathroom–she needed to potty. I held her dress and the bow in back so that it wouldn’t fall, handed her tissue- and helped her grow up to become the woman she is today. I remember all the bathroom trips at church and anywhere else where she learned how to do things on her on–but until she was ready…mom was right there. I did that for both my baby girls. When that image of her in blonde curls and ruffly dress appeared in my movie-mind–I cried all the harder. Time had reversed and here she was in a tiny bathroom stall with her over 50 year old mama, holding the hospital gown and handing me tissue.

God is so good. I cannot tell you that enough.

I don’t like to cry. I will hold it in as long as possible. Elaine Olsen told me to cry. Let it out. It needs release, it is cleansing. So, since coming home, I’ve done that a couple of times, both after dressing changes. Lest you think I’m super-woman, let me assure you–ask Jeff or April–or Tiffany. They will tell you I’m not super woman. I cried uncontrollably during and after my first shower- Although the shower didn’t hurt –my heart ached in a place I had never experienced before.

It’s very humbling to need someone to help you with your shower. It’s very healing too though. I see that this morning. Tiffany reminded me of the showers I helped her with –after all her babies. I never thought twice–she was my baby, thus I help my child. I am sure she, nor April never think twice. I am their mama. I think at some point we have to remember to let people help. But that is so hard at times.

I think God deals with that side of us often. We are inept at dealing with some of our issues, and HE is standing at the ready–yet we don’t ask Him.

Didn’t He tell us time and time again that He would “be there” for us? Never leaving us….

It’s in times like these when He really shows us the truth of His Word–it’s in times like this week, I lean back against Him and feel the Presence of a Holy, Sovereign God take over.

I woke up in the wee morning hours on Monday and came to the living room to see and hear from God. I actually had a question that I wanted to ask–but when my feet hit the cool floor of the wood in the dark, something made me change my mind. I wasn’t going to ask any questions. Instead, I would just listen and see what He said.

I don’t know if you have just looked at the screen in disbelief, as if the God of the universe would actually take time to say something–anything–to a nothing-of-a-woman like me, but He did. He does. Often.

With my unsaid question –not hanging in the air– He said this:

“I’ve been preparing you”.

I am a bit taken aback at this — THIS? Cancer? This disfigurement in the mirror?

This.

Everything. I’ve been preparing you.

Today, I want to tell you–whatever is going on in your life–God is RIGHT there–He will never leave you–

If you say, “I can’t SEE HIM”, you aren’t looking close enough. I promise He’s there. ASK Him to show up–He will. Ask Him to speak….HE will.

Often we aren’t quiet enough or still enough. We want to do our own thing and we want God to work AROUND our agenda. Hmmm…. I hope you know by now He doesn’t do that?

When I sat in the wheelchair alone in the hall…HE was there. I might would have rathered He show up with me on a picnic–and hike–but this empty dimly lit hallway was where I was that morning–and I needed Him then. He showed up. I felt Him as the tears rolled–I felt Him push fear back and send in the Holy Spirit to bring peace and comfort.

Friend–He will do the same thing for you. All you have to do is ask–expect–believe. Move on with God and don’t give Fear your forwarding address. If you do….I have to say, you must be a glutton for punishment. Where the Spirit of the LORD is…there is freedom and PEACE–and Fear cannot be in the same room where God is….

Tomorrow-the tube comes OUT (PTL) and the next phase will be laid out. Thank you in advance for praying and believing with us–Bolivia is waiting. The people are waiting… and my eyes are focused on my healing and being able to complete the mission He assigned…with GREAT anticipation!

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5 Comments | posted in breast cancer, faith, Life, love, Missions

February 20, 2016

Abraham’s Famous Faith

By Angie Knight

“You’re going where?” Abram’s friend leaned in to make sure he heard right.

“I said, I don’t know. We are just going, my friend.” Abram firmly, but quietly stated. He had been getting this a lot. As they had been packing up their tent and all their belongings, loading camels and the many pack animals, friends had been stopping by, each one with the same question and the same incredulous look on their faces.

Abram swatted a fly from his face with his hand. “The LORD GOD will show us.” Again, that firm quiet to his voice spoke more than the words he said. Abram’s friend muttered under his breath, patted him on the back and turned and left.

The heat that usually bore down on Abram, felt today, like a calming Presence. Almost like a hand on his shoulder giving him comfort as one by one, each friend—who didn’t seem to understand his actions, turned away.

While the above is completely a made up conversation in my mind— it’s how we felt when we began making life changes –preparing for the mission God has ahead. Abraham, formerly known as Abram, has been a story that I have related to time and time again. His faith in God–trusting Him–made him famous. He didn’t seek fame–He sought God.

I felt the excitement he must have felt the night he threw his head back and gazed at the endless curtain of blinking stars. We have both experienced that look—or expression of incredulity from friends, and maybe even a family member or two—as we shared what we believe (not just feel), that God has called us to do.

This experience of our faith walk has been targeted at different parts of our lives—at various times in this season of life. One by one, God has pointed His finger at things in our lives and said either “keep-or-give”. Or, at least to me, that’s how it has felt.

Missionaries at the ages of 54 and 60 wasn’t what we had on our agenda 10 years ago. Actually, it wasn’t even in my planner 3 years ago. Mission work? Yes. Spending a month at a time on a specific project there? Yes. But packing up everything that doesn’t get sold to live in a country where I can’t speak the language (yet)… Not quite. BUT GOD has a way of changing our hearts to YEARN for His will and His direction. He has a way of changing our hearts desires the closer we get to Him.

How did all this happen? That will come later as I unfold this in the blog—but first I want to share something one of the missionaries has said this week as we have toured with our District Women’s Ministry Director, Rese Moore. I believe it was Whittney (I leave off her last name for her future safety), who said it best, “God has called us ALL to go. But some—He has given you the assignment to stay”.

Your assignment has come with a job He has called and directed you to. And in that job, He expects you to be an onsite missionary. One who lives by example—and builds relationships (just like we will do) with those He puts in your path. One who leads by conversation…. (Really makes you re-think the joke you told last week, huh…).

Your assignment comes with benefits of a dependable weekly salary—as long as you keep up your end of the bargain, your boss will keep up his. Our assignment comes with a question to our friends and family: “Do you want to join our team?” Meaning, “Do you want to help win the lost in these last days? Do you want to help us show them JESUS?

It comes down to two things really. Either we want to do all we can to share Jesus where they don’t know Him—in the unreached villages of this world—or we are completely satisfied with them not knowing and stand idly by as they leap off into eternity lost.

Our assignment right now is two years. Do you think—for two years you could give up ONE Starbucks coffee a month? Just one.

What about 2? If 35 of our friends and family gave up Starbucks just ONE time each month—to take part in a soul reaching team—that would put us over half way to our budget goal.

What if—ONE time each month—you give up ONE dinner out of, say a Zaxby’s drive through meal. Just for two people. That’s close to $25 with large drinks and tax included—and maybe one milkshake to share as dessert. JUST ONE TIME in a whole month—for two years. Give it up and maybe just cook a simple meal of rice and chicken and fry some cornbread. That’s more of a meal than most anyone in a third world country will ever have in a day. They may have the rice—but they likely won’t have any meat.

I don’t know if you have read down this far or got tired and turned it off—Maybe you are saying, well, Angie, exactly what are you and Jeff giving up?

Everything.

And every time I think of all the times I won’t get to drive to my mom’s house for a meal or a visit with them, or sit on a comfy couch in an air-conditioned living room and a drink coffee with my baby sister, and join her hand and pray for her family and my family, I will be honest. I cry.

And every time I think of my two amazing daughters–and how MUCH I love spending time with them–and that will not happen for two years….I cry.

And every time I think of our 6 grandsons and how sweet their sugar is, or our precious granddaughter who I won’t get to see turn into a godly young woman and graduate high school, I cry.

BUT THEN– I think of all those children I have met—and those I’ve not yet met—who are waiting for someone to show them Jesus. Waiting for someone to BE Jesus in their lives and love them no matter how poor they are. No matter that they have nothing to offer us–we have MUCH to offer them. Jesus. And there they are, just waiting for someone to join our team—so that we can get there and introduce them to Jesus Christ. God’s Only Son—who loved them so much that HE came and died so that they might have life.

We’re only asking for one thing—each month—for two years. There are some who can afford to give more than ONE Starbucks “sacrifice” a month…..Only you and God know what He’s asking of you.

After two years, if God continues our assignment—we will see what He asks you to do. Or, God may have another assignment for us…OR, He may have another assignment for you.

This is the link to join our team—OR you can download a copy of the commitment form and send it in, our account number is 2853562, our Region is Latin American, and of course—you know our names, Jeff and Angie Knight.

We have discovered–some are waiting to be asked. But there are those who just get so excited–they jump ahead and join, saying, “we want to be part of your team”. You have no idea how that makes us feel!

You know, I think God likes it best when we, as His children, come up to Him and say, “What would you have me to do Father?” Go? or Stay. Stayers get to be senders. What a GREAT opportunity. To be a part of missions, both HERE and There.

Leave a comment | posted in faith, Life, love, Missions

February 15, 2016

God Asked me this:

By Angie Knight

How BAD do you want to help?

Really. How Bad do you want to help?

That was God’s question to me the first time I felt the Holy Spirit nudge my heart about missionary support. I had just heard a missionary speak—sharing his heart about the country he and his family felt called to—and I felt that nudge—that desire to do something.

But then—quickly, rational thinking intervened and reminded me of all the monthly obligations I had, Whew! Close call.

“Not so fast, Angie”, The Holy Spirit whispered gently.

Remembering the Great Commission, I know all too well that the call was to all. All of us—every single living human being with a mind and heart to hear and feel the Lord speak…

There were no “if you have any extra at the end of the month”….

John Piper believes if we aren’t actively going—or sending—we are actively disobeying.

Okay—so maybe you have prayed and you sincerely feel that you aren’t called to change your physical address. Did you know—that with a monthly offering—you can send?

You and I can help another missionary work in their calling—and help KEEP them there? You and I can sow seeds in a country we will likely never step foot in—just giving something up.

OR, by doing something MORE.

What do I mean by that?

Well, let’s take something so MANY of us love… Coffee. Oh, I know—I just hit a nerve.

Maybe you have a ritual cup of SPECIAL Coffee with a friend every single week. I am sure during that time you are ministering to them and encouraging them—and even witnessing to them. I’m not asking you to give up a witnessing window… I just want us all to look at how we “spend” our resources–

How bad do we really want to help?

Let’s look at the “drive-through” Starbucks and Krispey Kreme, ‘get-‘em while they’re hot’ ventures. Can we sacrifice our cravings for missions? I am the first one to admit to having cravings for ice cream, specialty coffees, and yes, even hot-now donuts. And every time I fulfill one of my cravings and neglect writing that check and sending it off—I am in essence, showing God—just who is really more important. Ouch.

What about doing something more?

By that, I mean there are other ways to give—One of the first things that I thought of was the “excess” we live with.

Every year—about twice a year, I have a “purging”. Usually I give things away—like to Goodwill, Salvation Army, or another similar type store. But then I realized I could –with some effort on my part—have a yard sale. Sure—it’s easy easy to just load it up and haul it off. But then—how does God get the glory? And how would a missionary get the benefit?

So—I partner with a friend and we go through our homes for about a month and gather our “stuff”—meet at my house and price it all and plan the “day”. We yard sale for missions. I have used this as a way to “pay” my way on trips—or to help someone else. And we have a good time in the fellowship of it all. And my house and life is less cluttered.

Another way—I cleaned a few toilets to do what I needed to do for missions. Quite a few. I did whatever little job or back breaking job I could do—for missions.

God continually asks me, “how bad do you want to help?”

What for?

Last year God showed us the open door to who He’s called us to. Children. Specifically, those who are falling through the cracks. Those who are 5 years old and living in a prison cell. Seems absurd doesn’t it. The child did no crime, yet because of the laws in Bolivia, if a parent goes to prison and there is no one to look after the children…they go too. Babies are even born in prison.

The country’s most notorious prison is just a few blocks from one of our LAC Schools. Our first assignment was helping a young girl get back in school. Her name is Claudia. A victim in her own home—a step-brother about 10 years older than she is began abusing her when she was about 10 years old—by 12 she became pregnant. Fear kept her from telling.

The man is now in prison, and Claudia has just recently turned 13—and her baby was about 8 months old when I held her in October. The most incredible thing in all of this is the bravery of Claudia. She actually “wanted” to get back in school. Statistically, young girls who are victims of rape and molestation do not want to go back to school or return to the life they knew before the tragedy. They are scarred in such a way—shame causes retreat. And there are times, this type of damaging shame leads to promiscuity.

We have been able to financially supply for Claudia’s education, counseling, and meet the physical needs of her baby girl. Her baby’s name is Genesis. For certain, Claudia’s testimony opened our eyes to many of the real needs in Bolivia.

Jeff and I knew we were already “called” to Bolivia—but now we know a bit more of the “why” and to “whom”.

As a friend was introducing us recently at a church service he stated, “Jeff and Angie are the result of one too many mission trips”. Of course he was teasing—for he knew all too well the passion that burns in our heart for not only missions, but very specifically, the country and people of Bolivia.

We would be thrilled to have you join our team and partner with us through prayer and monthly support. Please don’t let the word “support” scare you. I’m not asking for $100 a month. I’m just asking you to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit as He directs your heart.

Jeff and I are working hard to get there– we’ve sent emails– and mailed letters to those pastors whose emails we sent “bounced back”. We’ve been invited to share in a few churches and are excited to get the opportunity to share with more…. but we need more doors open. A 5 minute- or 10 minute window would be great– we’re not asking for your whole service, just a small opportunity to share our heart.

Thank you so much for listening to these ramblings words—from the heart of a sold-out-missionary.

Leave a comment | posted in faith, love, Missions

November 30, 2015

HOPE is a CHOICE

By Angie Knight

2016 is not yet here—but it is coming! A year for HOPE. I don’t have my Christmas tree up yet….I will show you when I do, but my heart is already looking at 2016. I know. Stay in the present…but I find it hard sometimes. I keep straining to peek into 2016.

Before the New Year gets here, I wanted to share a little encouragement to those who may already have your blanket ready to pull over your head and hide for the next few weeks of seasonal festivities. I have one too…although, I pull it out much less often.

In 2013, I spoke at a Covenant Hospice event these words:

“Hope remembers the past, is aware of the present, but presses on toward the future.”

I was there to share an encouraging word to those who had suffered loss that year. It was the Christmas season—a time when we who have lost someone, remembers the heartaches of losing. More than losing a battle—or losing a game. This loss bears heavy on each person for months and years. Every anniversary we are reminded of the pain of loss. But today, I want to remind us of the HOPE we have. Let 2016 become a brand new start for each one.

Hope remembers. Hope can hear the past; the funny stories, the sweet songs, and Hope chooses that which is good. Hope realizes the present and has a determined focus to help someone else each day and believes firmly that tomorrow holds new life….as we are in Christ Jesus.

Hope rejoices. Psalms 146:5 “But joyful are those who have the God of Israel as their helper-whose hope is in the LORD their God.”

As odd as this may sound, when my sister, Wanda was leaving this life, my younger sister, Aimee began telling funny family stories. We began to laugh. It was just the immediate family—and we felt at ease in the Presence of God. I even felt in my spirit that Wanda lingered a bit longer because she loved to laugh and loved a good “Aimee story”.

It’s okay to laugh—just as it’s okay to weep. We need both. It is a washing of the eyes and soul. And we all need that bath.

Hope is resilient. Hope resolves to continue on. Hope anchored in Christ recovers readily from the winds and waves of life. Hope pushes us forward, knowing “forward” is where healing and growth takes place, not with our heels and heart digging into the past dry dirt of yesterday. There’s no nourishment in the past.

As we navigated through our first Christmas without Wanda, I felt like I walked around wearing my clothes wrong-side-out. I felt turned around and upside down. This was new. I was not sure how I was supposed to transition through this season of life.

The joy of the LORD truly became my strength. I discovered that laughter is possible again—and love continues on. Even after they’re gone. And even with fresh tears, I can smile and rejoice at a new day coming!

Yes, our futures do look different when they are gone—but Hope can take that seat at the table and we can feast on the joy of the LORD. It takes time to see this—as that first year I didn’t feel that “Hope”, rather I felt the reminder of Loss. Navigation is painful—and often difficult. But when we allow the God of hope to guide our hearts and minds—it is possible.

We are approaching our 8^thyear of her home-going. Memories still flood the heart—but Hope stands strong beside each one. We remember all the blessings and we rejoice in God’s gift of life—and we become resilient as we keep our faith, trust and HOPE in Jesus Christ.

After all, Hope is a choice.

1 Comment | posted in faith, Life Issues, love, New Year, Wanda

November 16, 2015

Two or Three

By Angie Knight

I love it when God does this:

As I was praying this morning for various needs that I was aware of, a blogger friend that I met several years ago in person at a She Speaks Conference came to my mind. Over and over her name kept calling out to me, as if to say, pray for me. So I did. From the bed where I lay, I began to whisper a prayer and asked God to meet the needs in her life–to shelter her, cover her, bring healing, peace, whatever her need might be- I didn’t know, but HE did. And that’s all that mattered.

Before long though, I had to get up. A feeling of “get alone with God” just kept me awake. So I rose and walked the few yards from our camper to our house. (Bathroom work being done and since we only have one, we need to sleep where there is one handy in the middle of the night.)

The house was quiet and warm. I put on coffee and turned on a couple of lamps and I felt The Holy Spirit with me. Some old fears have tried to creep up on me–from long years ago, but I push them aside, settle myself and begin to pray. The Lord brought two more to my mind to pray for and so they were added to my invisible prayer list.

A fraction of a verse came to me while praying, “two or more gathered in my name”…. I almost felt like maybe He had woke someone else to join me in this prayer vigil for these that I had no clue what their needs were…He has before. I love how He surprises me- especially when it comes to how He works in our prayer lives.

Just as I finished praying and writing some prayer thoughts in my journal, I opened my “God Calling”….and what do I see (this is a surprise, because I hadn’t looked at it in many days–and actually it was in the camper and at the last minute, I reached for it in the dark and tucked it in my bag before I left for the house), but this verse:

“Where two or three are gathered together in My name there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

I smiled–and thought how amazing God is. There is no way I could ever describe all the times He has done similar things –but suffice it to say, it has been many -and this morning I had asked for a rejuvenation in my prayer life–a constant awareness of His presence and He showed me after He told me.

The WORD is a constant awareness of His presence–

HIS power–

& His purpose for us.

We attended a wedding this weekend–it was beautiful! We attended one just a few weeks ago as well that was just as beautiful and the presence of God was so REAL in both that I could sense the Holy Spirit there.

As I thought about this verse this morning, the picture from both weddings came to my mind of the minister (who was also the dad), as he placed his hand on the shoulders of the bride and groom to pray over them.

Three. Where there are two, The Holy Spirit is the third person uniting in prayer with us–for us–to our Father for the needs in our lives or the needs of others.

I am so thankful to know that no matter what my needs, where I am, the distance I have traveled–HE is there. And He can and will wake someone up to pray for me when I am in need. I may never know who or when, but I believe and TRUST in His healing-saving-grace filled power!

2 Comments | posted in faith, Life, love, marriage

June 30, 2015

Happy Anniversary-to My Love.

By Angie Knight

You started this morning with “Endless Love”….the very song that we claimed as “our song” 33 years ago.

I didn’t wear a floor length white gown…You didn’t wear a tux. We didn’t have all the bells and whistles of a big cathedral…but tucked inside the heart of us, was a steadfast-strong love. A love that could endure hardship– the kind that would last years. There were times it was so hard I began to try and figure out which of us broke the mirror. Neither of us. It was not a run of bad luck because a broken looking glass–it was just life stuff. And it happens to everyone at some point.

But we never went hungry. You saw to that. I cooked–what you provided (even though we had chicken legs for every meal over a week) –you always said, “thanks-I enjoyed it” (Do people still say that?) –and we shared our heart with our Father–and were thankful for the two best and dearest blessings of life, our baby girls. And God saw us “through” each and every trial.

I told Aimee this week that of all the trials that had come our way, God had always saw us through. He had never removed Himself from our situation–no matter how tough it might have been.

When you tell someone our “story” of how and where we married, I smile inside–because they really have no clue. Young adults who are now planning those amazing weddings –[with the glitter and candlelight]– I hope they realize without God as the center of their marriage–AND the center focus of each one’s own life, their marriage may not survive the holocaust against the sanctity of holy matrimony in the coming years (even as of this week).

We don’t live in Mayberry…

I hold dear and am so jealous to maintain our love and the special bond that we hold sacred. There are moments in our lives etched in my brain. Like this morning when you handed me your phone to play this song and said you were trying to get it to facebook but was having trouble. And moments when you held our babies. And our grandbabies. And the morning that the mouse had chewed my favorite skirt that my mother made me and I cried and you pulled me onto your lap and I believe you would have shot the mouse…

Sure, like any couple, there have been tough times–times when the love wasn’t burning with passion–but we choose to remember and hold onto the precious times and learn from mistakes of the past. It’s an incredulous expression you get from those that you tell, “Angie and I have never had an argument”… I want to even laugh now, because while I know it’s true–we have a certain gift from God in that. I quickly assure them, “It’s not that we’ve never had a disagreement–or that I’ve never had my feelings hurt–or that neither of us has ever been mad at the other”… we have. All of that. But it’s what we choose to do. We talk our way through it when the time is right…and the temperaments are calm–and after God has been sought.

[I want to say to anyone reading and you have just gasped at the thought of not “giving them a piece of your mind”…honey, give your mind to Christ. If you start handing out pieces to your spouse every time they make you upset–you’ll have none left in a few years–]

I am so NOT perfect. Even after 33 years– I still mess things up. I still burn cookies and pizza because I get caught up in something else. And I’m glad that after 33 years– we are just as much in love as the day we said “I DO!” in front of God, our 3 witnesses, the Justice of the Peace–in the Radio Shack. (I guess that will give folks something to talk about!) LOL.

When we renewed our vows on our 5 year anniversary and took communion with our then Pastor Wayne Fussell, I walked out feeling just as married as I had before–but there was a deeper sense of commitment–that would be needed in the coming years. God has been INCREDIBLY awesome to knit us together as one.

A side note to couples– pray for one another. If you don’t you won’t make it. That’s just the truth.

When Guy Tatum gave the “Band of Brothers” their new “One Year Bible” and encouraged them to “pray for their wives” (I know this not because Jeff told me [there’s a sacred code of honor among this prayer group of men], but because it showed up in our lives), it made an impact on our marriage–in our home–MOST OF ALL, in ME! My “security” level went through the roof–because Jeff took the time each morning to hold me and pray for me. And if by chance I left before he was able to get back home to pray (he left for his camp work around 6:00 each morning), then he would call me as I drove to work. He prayed, I drove, I cried, and I praised God for him. And I GREW spiritually. Hey–it doesn’t have to be a long prayer–just ask God to bless them and keep them safe! Start there! Ask God to protect their mind from the enemy attacks–I can promise you this–there is an enemy out there who wants to destroy all marriages that God has put together–and the enemy starts with insecurity in the heart and home.

Yes, our actions do speak louder than our words!

If you want a marriage that lasts…finding the one God has created JUST FOR YOU is first on the list of to-do’s before the I-Do’s. You won’t know by trying them all…you will know by waiting on God and praying. 2) Put God FIRST. 3) PRAY TOGETHER. It’s the cement in your love. You could have the most passionate love–but it will not be that way in 50 years…I mean face it–you will AGE. And aging shows up. 🙂 What you lay as the foundation of your marriage in the early years, will carry you through the later years. If your spouse is your best friend–you will enjoy life, love and marriage a whole lot more. To the fullest!

And the final thing that will hold your heart, home and marriage secure: Put God FIRST. I know I repeated that one–but God is the only one who knows and does what is best for each one of us….when my honey has hurt my feelings–I tell God. When I have made him aggravated…I know he tells God. Because it is the Holy Spirit who softens my heart–and it is the Holy Spirit that helps Jeff see my side. Not that my side is the right side. Jeff often maintains his view, but at least he can see where I’m coming from and he can better understand. See? It’s God who holds the manual for marriage….and it’s The Bible.

I gave all of that for free…call it Jeff and Angie Marital Advice 101. What I give my darling man, is all of me for the rest of this earthly life. God is first– and I’m thankful that He gave me you. He knew just who I would need to lead me further spiritually–and who would love me for all my days….the young vibrant and fun days–as well as these “wee bit older” and hot flashin’ days. You are my dearest-bestest-friend and I promise to love you and bless and cherish you–till death do us part.

You are my –Endless Love….

4 Comments | tags: Faith, Love, prayer | posted in faith, Life, love, marriage

March 18, 2009

Live Every Moment. . .

By Angie Knight

Love beyond words…and make every moment count.

Every little girl dreams of being a princess. Being loved and cherished. In a perfect world, little girls love the shoulders of their daddy. In their eyes, daddy is bigger than any other man. Their protector. Their provider. In a perfect world.

I have sweet photos of our girls asleep in the lap of their daddy. Both of them. At the same time. One on each arm. Comfy. Safe. Protected.

That is what our heavenly Father offers to us….HIS children. His eternal love. Protection. Safety. Although, like us as parents, our heavenly Father will allow us to experience life as it happens. The ups and the downs. From scraped knees to broken hearts.

Life. He came so that we might have life. And live it to the fullest. As Buzz Lightyear would say…”To Infinity and Beyond!”

In HIS world…our heavenly home….everything will be perfect.

14 Comments | posted in faith, love

November 2, 2008

Prison of a Prodigal

By Angie Knight

My mother has a “serious business” prayer….when it is “serious business”. It’s called the “whatever it takes” prayer. The words of this prayer mean e-x-a-c-t-l-y that! WHATEVER IT TAKES….LORD—SAVE THEIR SOUL.

I don’t take this prayer lightly. I have prayed this prayer three times in my life. When this prayer is prayed….well, as the saying goes—”Katie– bar the door!” Or —you better look out!

I remember as a young woman, praying this prayer about my dad. He was a dad….running as hard as he could from God. He had been in and out of church all of his “decision making life”. When he became old enough to decide for himself whether or not to go….well, it was hit and miss.
I can clearly remember kneeling in a small church, at the front pew, and a sweet elderly lady kneeling beside me and asking me what I was praying for. I told her simply, “my dad”. “I want him to know Christ.” In the way that his mother before him had known Him.

When I was a young teen he had left our home—never to return as a resident. My parents divorced by the time I was sixteen and I remember how hard that decision was for my mother. I remember how hard that was for all of us. But my mother continued to bring up her children in the way of the Lord. To teach us “right from wrong”. I believe she succeeded. But I digress.

I prayed this prayer, “Lord, whatever it takes, save my dad. Don’t let him die and go to hell.” That was my fear. I knew that he was much like the prodigal son. He had taken what was his and left to live his life for himself. But he was still prayed for. He was prayed for by his mother. A very godly woman that never laid her head on her pillow at night without calling out the name of each of her children to the Lord. He was prayed for by my mother. Even though their lives together would never be the same, she still cared. He was prayed for by his children. He was dad after all. He was loved.

The prodigal path that he chose, became the “whatever it takes”. The “whatever it took” had an impact on all of our lives. But when you pray that prayer, you really don’t think of what it might actually take. The prodigal pig pen became a prison for the prodigal .

A prison can be a place of real physical metal bars, but can also be a place of steel deep in the mind and heart, created by the enemy. A place that seems to over take your life in such a way, you see no way out. That is exactly what the enemy of your soul wants you to see. He wants you to believe that “your family no longer cares”. He wants you to feel that “you are too far gone”. That you’ve done too much “sinning”, that you cannot be forgiven. That surely, by now, you are not important. Maybe he has even told some prodigals that they have even been replaced.

A child can never be replaced by another. This prodigal son was just as important to the frail praying mother as her other children. The tears that stung her eyes for the other children, fell just as hard for this prodigal. The “whatever it takes prayer” was taking a long time.

How much longer Lord? Isaiah 40:31 tells us this:

But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew [their] strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; [and] they shall walk, and not faint.

Waiting is hard to do. Praising and worshiping while waiting, is even more difficult. But His word says “wait”.

I would like to tell you that it was just “a little while” before he gave his life to God. But the road to realization is sometimes a long one. It was many years. Many battles—many heartaches. And many prison bars. The battles and heartaches are felt not only by the “prayed for”, but by the “individuals on their knees”.

Max Lucado is a favorite author of mine. In his book “Grace for the Moment”, on March 7, these words are his… “Though the road to the palace takes a detour through a prison it eventually ends up at the throne.”

When the prodigal comes home….every battle, every scar, every trial is worth it. His mother would tell you that. But she’d have to lean over the portals of heaven to do so. But she would. She would tell you that every night spent in anguishing prayers over her son was worth the fact that he did finally come to know her Lord and Savior…. I was reminded this past week, we don’t pray for the convicting power of the Holy Spirit over their hearts like folks did when I was growing up. Why? What happened? Did we feel that was too harsh? Is there such a thing when it comes to a lost soul? I am asking your opinion. I for one, want the Holy Spirit to continually speak to my heart and mind about things I say or do that are not Christlike. I am praying for Holy Ghost conviction over my loved ones as well.

Father in heaven, I am so thankful that as I kneel before your throne, I am joined by those that have prayed that “hard prayer”. That “whatever it takes” prayer. For some, it took a lot. For others, they came more swiftly. But Lord, no matter how long it takes, we continue in prayer for those that are lingering on the edges of the most important decision of their lives. We ask that you simply keep talking to their hearts. Keep stirring up their sleep! May the Holy Spirit convict them continually, of everything that is standing in the way of them giving it all up to You. Until they all come home. I love you Father —- and am thankful that You never left. You stayed through all the tough times. You have always been my Father. I will always be your daughter. In Jesus most precious name I pray~Amen.