Category Archives: breast cancer

Pardon the Dust

Have you ever seen the sign that says, “Pardon the Dust”?, in a store when it is under a remodeling, but they are still  open for business?  Well, that is pretty much like my life.  I won’t speak for Jeff, but he would likely say the same thing.  My area is really dusty these days.  More so (in my mind) than the cancer days.

I told a new friend this week that [language school] seemed to be designed to do what the chemo did….kill off things that doesn’t belong.  Then we learned what the name of the school meant; in Spanish, cincel means to chisel.   Appropriate, don’t you think?  I think many of the new students have felt the sharp edge of the chisel this week.

We are on day 4 of classes and I will do my best to share enough, but not too much that  you get cold feet if God is speaking to your heart about missions.  But in reality, if God is speaking to you….there is no amount of things I could say that would scare you away.  You are in it for the long haul.  Just like us.  Be advised though, the enemy won’t like your decision–just as he didn’t like ours–BUT GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL.  Through everything!

Our days begin early–Jeff slipping into an altogether new routine here, and myself as well.  We get up early (Jeff, often around 4:00).  He has always been an early riser-but I think this place calls for even earlier–simply because such deep God conversations need to take place.  And listening.  Escuchen….to listen.  Above the voices in my head, I am learning to listen more to the Holy Spirit when He gives a direction.  “This might hurt….but it’s for your good.”

There, He sets me on the block.  Chisel and hammer.  Dust is flying.  I am noticing some things in me that needs correcting.  I need to be more sensitive.  Not quick to judge or assume based on what my eyes see…but to listen.  He blows His holy air on the form sitting still on the block.   That’s me.  The tears I shed based on what I feel, the weaknesses in me, wash away more of the dust.  He is working to see His image in our lives….

That was like chemo and radiation.  “This might hurt, you will feel many changes, but it’s for your good”…. I think God prepared me in some ways on HOW to look at things so that I would not crumble (quite so much).

I have two friends who, one just this week lost her daughter to cancer, and our cancer journey began approximately the same time, and another dear woman is losing her husband, even as I type, to cancer.  And here I sit.  Healthy–preparing for a work God has set before me…and I cannot explain even the least amount of the whys of that.   But God’s plans are perfect and I will not try and understand HIS understanding for the Word says, it’s way beyond me.

We are grateful for our monthly supporters and daily prayer partners.  YOU have no idea!  When I wake up in the morning–I know someone is praying!  All during the week, I trust and believe someone is still believing with us that God has much in store!  And their support continues so that we may journey on.

Each day in class (so far) I have felt so close to tears at times because there is NO English spoken by the teachers.  It is brain numbing.  There, that’s the chisel again.  Learn a new way.  Open your heart, mind, ears and listen.    Admittedly, I come home and go to the bathroom to let the tears fall.  It’s a release.  Don’t feel sorry for me, pray with us.  We need to learn this.  The culture, the language, the people.  Once the tears are dry, I feel better.

I learned just yesterday, the best thing to do after class is go for a long walk.  So, Jeff and I walked yesterday, about 8 blocks, mostly uphill, to the grocery store to pick up a few things.  Let’s look at that miracle for a minute.  UP HILL.  The backstory of this is I finished my last round of radiation treatments that took place every single day for 6 weeks the WEEK before we left for Costa Rica.  I hardly had energy to pack.  I had beloved friends, one at a time, come almost every day to lend a hand with our packing.  I couldn’t even “think” clearly from the residual effects of the chemo yet, here I was packing with help, and then just a week later arriving here.

The walkway to our apartment is such a steep downhill trip, that first day I was so afraid I would fall face first–but I didn’t.  Sure, my knees ached afterwards, but look again at the miracle.  YESTERDAY, we walked over 8 blocks one way mostly uphill.  Of course I was sweating like a horse when we got there, but my mind was clear.  And we did our little shopping, enjoying the air conditioned grocery store…then we had to carry our packages back…all 8 blocks.  Thankfully, my precious husband carried the two stuffed bags and I carried the umbrella.  It rains every day.

New things.  Every day something new.  A new experience, a new feeling, a fresh mercy from God.  We are learning now to live without the air conditioner.  I have the blessing of two fans that Jeff bought after we arrived.  THAT is huge to me here.

I look at many things differently.  The dust that is gathering at the base of this Sculptors stone will soon be blown away again, and He will look to see what else needs adjusting.  Hammer will continue to strike and I can count on sitting in this spot, under His chisel until He feels it’s time.  I’m done.  I’m ready.  Then, I’ll go Home.  Not to an earthly home, but to my heavenly home.  All the while the chiseling and hammering is happening, work is being done, through me and on me.  He will use me however HE sees fit….just as He will YOU when you say “yes, LORD, I’m willing”.

In the meantime friends, please pardon the dust.  He’s still working on me.

 

[We are very grateful for a new supporter this week!  If you are interested in becoming a prayer partner or a monthly supporter–or BOTH, please feel free to visit our agwm site, www.tinyurl.com/sendjeffandangie]

© Angie Knight 2017.  All rights reserved.  All Photography © Angie Knight unless otherwise noted.

 


Life Stuff and General UP-date

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Well friends, Christmas 2016 is in the memory bank and the New Year is upon us.  Right around the corner-so-to-speak.  In a matter of hours.  Has already happened for some of our friends living in other parts of the world…

Many unexpected things happened this year–many things I journaled–God words to my heart- for me alone-and some that I will share with you.

Several members of our family have gone through their own ordeals-as I am sure yours has as well.  Seems the devil is ever on his job–but we KNOW that God is watchful and is equipping us all for the battles that lie ahead…and are currently ongoing.  He is our strong deliverer–and HIGH TOWER.

We just KNEW we would be preparing to leave for Costa Rica (language school) this month-but God had other plans–and we humbly and gladly submit to what HE has planned because we are in this for HIS glory, not anything for our own selves.

I think that it’s specifically powerful that the verse of the day from BibleGateway.com is this:

I am the Lord, who opened a way through the waters, making a dry path through the sea. “But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.  Isaiah 43:16, 18-19 NLT

Years ago, The LORD brought this passage to my attention when I was going through a particularly difficult battle, today, it’s needed just as much.  A reminder that HE is in charge and NEW things are on the horizon.

Jeff and I are still working on our monthly commitments, meaning: we will need your help.  We are getting closer, but we still have much to do to get there.   We can’t do this without God lay it upon the hearts of others to help us for the next two years.

Beyond that, I don’t know what God has in store.  We will gladly stay in Bolivia until He calls us home–or we will go wherever HE sends next, but this we know–we must do what He has laid on our hearts to do.  That is, work with the children in the schools He has opened up to us in Santa Cruz, and continue to build churches for the villages where there is no Gospel Door open.

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There have been extreme forces fighting against us- the biggest one it seems, cancer.  But, we are over half way to completion of my treatments, only 6 more to go out of the 16.  The next step is radiation for 6 weeks and I have a dear friend who is currently walking that road just ahead of me.

God had the right team lined up for this medical mission on this side, and I have no doubt He will continue.  My biggest problem is on the days I feel good, I try and do as much as I possibly can to make up for the days I can’t.  For a “doer”, this has been a rough go.  However,  I have done well I think, and from what my oncologist has said, a “prize pupil”, or patient.  That’s all God’s doing, and all because of the mighty team of prayer warriors who have diligently sought God on my behalf. Thank YOU!  You are a HUGE part of this mission team!

Jeff has delivered his heart in many churches over the past year, I participated in the delivery until “chemo-brain” sort of held me back, but they say this is all reversible and I look forward with great anticipation to the day when I can bring a “word” again.    For now, I smile, hug necks, shake hands and am glad to be in the mix of things!  If you are wondering why you see so little of me in blogland, this is why.  I want to give God my BEST, but for these past few months of treatments, it seems I struggle with writing as well as talking.

It has felt so odd being a “by-stander” when I have always loved being in the middle of what God is doing, but I have “felt” His presence nonetheless.  And it has been powerful.  Believe me, I’m taking notes.  I have been writing in my prayer journal to record for later, this road.   Though muddy, messy and ankle twisting at times, it is one that I have seen God do miraculous things and I wouldn’t go back and change a thing…

We have just a few months to be ready to go.  If you are interested in helping us monthly, go to this site:  www.tinyurl.com/sendjeffandangie  (You can also give one time donations–we are eternally grateful for any and all help!)  We plan to leave in May, 2017.  We have already started packing…

Have you ever tried to do something that YOU KNEW God was leading you on and had the enemy fight so hard that you struggled in your heart to keep you focus clear?  That’s where I am tonight. I KNOW God has called us– He woke me with ideas earlier this week for the children… and just as quick as I get excited about that–the enemy comes and tries to steal the joy from that.

We can’t see all that is ahead, but we know and trust the Hand that leads us.  We will not stop until we feel we have done all that He has required of us.  He is doing a NEW thing in this NEW YEAR and we are excited to be doing our part!

The road up ahead will have curves, hills and even rough terrain, but HE is with us…all the way.  We are looking forward to seeing you in 2017!

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© Angie Knight 2017.  All rights reserved.


The Cup of the Called

In reading this morning words from Oswald Chambers, I was struck by the purpose of them, let me see if you hear what I heard:

“In the natural life our ambitions alter as we develop; in the Christian life the goal is given at the beginning, the beginning and the end are the same… our Lord Himself.  We start with Christ and end with Him–“Until we all attain to the stature of the manhood of Christ Jesus”,  not to our idea of what the Christian life should be.  The aim of the missionary is to do God’s will, not to be useful, not to win heathen; he is useful and he does win the heathen, but that is not his aim.  His aim is to do the will of his Lord.”

This past Sunday as we stood in a church and sang a song that caused my heart to spill over…

Here are some of the lyrics (by Kari Jobe):  

The more I seek You…the more I find you…
The more I find You…the more I love You…. I wanna sit at Your feet drink from the cup in Your hand, lay back against You and breathe, feel Your heart beat.  This love is so deep it’s more than I can stand, I melt in Your peace, it’s overwhelming…”

As I stood there singing about the cup, the song describes, reminded me of the cup that Jesus asked to be taken from Him…if it could pass … but if not, He was willing to do the will of The Father.  Whatever it took from Him.  That cup would signify His willingly given life.  The cup didn’t take His life…He gave it.

The song, sung in many churches, by many youth and adults alike almost sounds like the cup is a nice cool drink of lemonade and the breeze is blowing through your hair as you lean back on the chest of your Savior.  The song is beautiful.  But that’s not how I hear the song anymore.  I hear it and taste it differently.

The cup is offered.  The calling of missionary life is held out as a sign board with the cup offered being the requisite to get there…. it’s bitter.  There’s no sweetness of the sugary lemonade inside.  Beyond the cup and the sign reading “drink me”, there are thousands of children, snotty noses, dirty faces, rotten teeth, bare feet, half clothed and hungry.  Hungry for more than food.  They hunger to know the One who they’ve never heard of before…the One who can set them free from the life of sin…a sin they may not be even aware they were born into–and behind them–their parents.  Clinging to their lives of whatever suits them- whatever gets them by to the next day.  Alcohol, drugs, abuse…whatever it may be.  See, they have the same issues we do in our country…yet they have very few who can tell them that there is a Better Way.  The Only Way.  Jesus.  The Way, The Truth and The Life.

We were beckoned.  We were called–for me it was as early as 2010.  I felt a stirring like none other experienced in life.  It was more than the “altar call” stirring, it was a complete surrendering call.  Seemed easy enough.  Then we started up the mountain.

I won’t bore you with the details of all the hoops we jumped through in the application process.  That was just a warm up for what was coming as God began to mold and shave off pieces of us that was unnecessary.  We both wanted Him to have us ALL.  Not just pieces–but we WANTED Jesus to come in and stir us and remake us into the usable vessels that would be of most use to Him–shining the light of Salvation into the darkness of the villages in Bolivia that had never heard the name of Christ.

We were well on our way, progress in our budget and monthly support was showing improvement.  Language school was just around the corner in January….then the cup.

The cup offered was bitter.  A surprise.  Unwanted–until I stopped and remembered these words of Oswald I had read years before (2010):  “The aim of the missionary is to do God’s will”

We don’t draw straws.  We can’t run into the “calling store” and choose the way it will go for us…because remember I said a month ago, this journey, it’s not all about us… 

So, with every taste of the bitter cup, I envision the mountain Jeff and I climbed in October, 2015 with Pastor Joel Morales, in an area that is darkened by the sin and life of sacrifices on worldly altars to pagan gods.   The darkness overwhelmed me so much that as I gulped for air to breathe while we climbed, my heart ached and wept for the lost souls there.  It was truly an overwhelming day and it literally took me a few days to get over the feeling of sadness and dark depravity that shrouded the mountain like the fog that held it captive.  But we climbed on.

The same with this.  I’ve been warned of the harshness of what goes in my body to kill even the most microscopic cancer cell that may be lingering–the cup is indeed bitter… but there are lives at stake….I must finish this cup to get to the next part of our journey.

Some people already think we are nuts…at our age.  But if your child, sister, brother, parent was about to hurl head long into the lake of fire and brimstone–wouldn’t you want someone, no matter their age, to come to help pull them out?  Me too.  We go so that others will know….and others will go.

Time is short.  If you aren’t being called to go, you are being called to send.  If you ignore either calling,….oh friend…

If you want to help us get there with a 100% budget, our link is: www.tinyurl.com/sendjeffandangie
We appreciate every single prayer and dollar.  EVERYTHING MATTERS.

Our most precious supporter is one young girl–a dear dear friend of mine from Sneads, Florida named Kaylee.  Giving all she has.  Her allowance each month.  She and her mom and sister brought me homemade banana bread yesterday and mighty powerful prayers.  With every bite of that bread I felt the prayers they surely prayed as they baked.  God will use every single person to win the lost–if we are willing.

Are you going to climb the mountain with me?  Are you taking the cup and joining the called?  Be a goer-or a sender.

[Sidenote:  we expect to be completed this treatment process by early next year and ready for language school by Spring sessions–pray with us that God performs more miracles than we can write about!]

© Angie Knight- The Knightly News. All rights reserved. Photographs unless otherwise noted are property of Angie Knight. All rights reserved.


Santa Claus, IV’s and Missions

Before you scratch your head about the title not matching what’s in the blog–hang on and keep reading.  It fits.  Trust me.

Everywhere I look in the Word…I find Him.  I find peace.

I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth.   My soul shall make its boast in the Lord;The humble shall hear of it and be glad.   Oh, magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together.  Psalm 34:1-3

Even when the day doesn’t go as we plan….we need to take a deep breath…it’s according to His plan.  That is hard to do when we prize our plans so highly!  I mean–we PLANNED…worked it all out in our minds and likely even decorated the plans!  Right?

Lately, I have learned a valuable lesson– I use the phrase my Mamo used all her Christian life, “If the LORD wills, we will do this or do that”….every thing she planned on left room for God to make changes.  She had peace and daily rested inside that nook of easy breathing…the crook of His arm.

We had “intentions” of being in language school in January, but after receiving a phone call from one of my oncologists, and a followup letter with further explanation, that it’s for “my good”, I realized this was God at work. So, there are next language classes that take place 2017 and we will catch the next ride… Even in this deal with breast cancer, we have met so many in the medical field that have been so encouraging and positive about our assignment–they must have put it in my chart that we were headed out on assignment for the KING, because every single doctor has said, “this won’t hold you up”.

I can’t remember if I shared this with you or not, but my surgeon, Dr. Randall Nichols in Dothan, AL was one of the surgeons on my 2nd mission trip to Honduras!  I enjoyed meeting him then, his wife and daughter, as they spent themselves for others on the mission field (every year)- so knowing he was my surgeon for this event made my heart glad.

The second person I met that day was Santa Claus.  Truly.  He is the real-deal-Santa who gives and shares his life each year with children in hospitals, adults in nursing homes and more.  He is the Hospital Santa for the employees children and he is the resident IV Santa, meaning he works for the anesthesia group.  He showed me pictures of his grands and told me stories and kept my mind occupied instead of worrying.  When I was wheeled back to the waiting runway for surgery, I was stretched out waiting-and the worries commenced.  Santa must have known his next assignment was me–because he pulled up a chair and started talking.  As he began to start my IV, he laughed and said I guess everyone can’t say that Santa Claus starts their IV.  I laughed and said it would make quite a blog!

I shared our mission- and what God had been doing in our lives as we have gone to Bolivia year after year and maintained the connections with each church and villages that we’ve worked in.  God did all that for us.  That was HIS idea and plan.  And it’s not over.

After Santa Claus got up and moved on to the next patient, the young nurse who was had been assigned to start mine came over.  She asked me who did my IV and I told her Santa Claus. She smiled and looked over at him with the next patient–she knows him well.  She looked so familiar.

I asked her name, told her she looked familiar–as sometimes we see people often in Walmart and then the face remains familiar.  But she had a different familiar look.  So I jumped out on a limb…. “Did you go to Honduras in 2013?”  She said, “Yes I did!” with a bright smile!  Then she told me her mission experience.  My surgery was wrapped up in mission people.  God had me in the right place at the right time.  He even included Santa Claus.

They are worth it. God is sending us for these and many more like them.

Both my oncology doctors have expressed complete confidence in this journey and the outcome.  And that we will be on the mission field leading lives to Jesus in no time at all.  We are needing more monthly partners…are you interested?

Yes, the enemy has tried his best tactics–from inadequate monthly support to sickness-but let me remind him and you….God gave us the orders, the burden on our heart and the call in our lives…and until God says otherwise, we are moving forward with all His plans.

What’s so special about Bolivia?  Our heart landed there in 2011 and never left.  We’ve both been to other countries, but this one–this one got into our skin and heart and we feel a kinship with the friend we met there.

Santa Claus can’t get us there.

But God can and will through every supporter and contribution.

If you are interested in  helping, click this link.  If you can’t right now, surely you can pray?  We need such prayer warriors fighting and storming on our behalf.

Today, after my first round of chemo, they attached the “turtle pack” as my doctor referred to it.  It will do the next necessary step…I thought of my friend @BarbaraKeene and knew her turtle pack was loaded down with prayers…for many people.  Friends and strangers.

My daughters have a special group of ladies who are praying and fasting each week–and I feel and have faith in the power of their prayers.  I have been so amazed at the cards and notes of encouragement.  Some cards have been filled with Scripture verses and I’ve looked up every single one.  Wrote them out in my prayer journal and noted who sent it.  There is Power in those words.  Santa Claus didn’t write it…The Holy Spirit operating through man did.

This was not meant to be a big devotional blog–just more of an update for our family/friends who have been wondering.  God is faithful.  I don’t know what you are facing today–but God is more than able to be right with you and He will even put people in your path to let you KNOW that you’re on the right path.  Did you read about the mission doctors and nurse?  Yes.  HE did that.

He will do for you…because HE loves YOU.


© Angie Knight- The Knightly News. All rights reserved. Photographs unless otherwise noted are property of Angie Knight. All rights reserved.


Yard Sale Saturday!

We are having a HUGE Yard Sale Saturday!  We are doing our best to whittle away at the “things” in our lives and the new indebtedness as well (insurance is good–but deductibles are the pits).

After my first mission trip to Honduras in 2009 I came home and wanted to get rid of everything we owned–sell it all, move to a foreign country and help the people.  Of course, after a little while of being back home, I settled back into the life routine of shopping, eating, and living in our little Florida town.

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My new friend and sister in Christ, Kelyn

But then another mission trip–this one further away and to a war torn country: Cambodia.  The deal was sealed in my heart.  I just didn’t know where God would send us–but it was in those early years of 2009-2010, I actually began praying and giving Him full access to every corner of my heart and house.

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Floating Home in the Floating Village

What to keep, Lord?  What to give?  What to sell?

If you then were raised with Christ, desire those things which are above, where Christ sits at the right hand of God.  Set your affection on things above, not on things on earth.  Colossians 3:1-2 Modern English Version

The first instructions–get out of debt.  (If you are reading this today–this is good advice for just living here!)  I began to “not want” things, and long for the Holy Spirit to so infill and empower me that nothing else could hold a candle to what I desired from God.  And I soaked.  In the word.  Through listening to the Bible being read while I drove, to worship songs, to teaching and just enjoying everything He offered daily.

Well, here we are (I left much out for a later conversation), getting ready to serve Him in Bolivia (Santa Cruz area), and we are on the healing side of my recent encounter with breast cancer.  Going through the process of the healing can feel like I’m spinning my wheels- if I didn’t know without a doubt that HE was doing something far greater than our eyes could see or our minds comprehend.  He’s working all things for our good…and we will arrive in Bolivia at HIS designated time, not ours.  And with the prayers and financial support of those who God has already set aside to be PART of this soul-saving-life-changing journey! (www.tinyurl.com/sendjeffandangie)

So, once these treatments are BEHIND us–we shall continue the packing UP!

For this week, we are SELLING EVERY-SINGLE-THING we don’t need to keep living here! So! if you are interested, be at our house Saturday morning at 7:00 am! 🙂

We are blessed with amazing family who are in charge of the event! PRAY for SUNSHINE! 🙂

We look forward to seeing you here!

 


You Haven’t Heard the Worst Yet

100_7514222222222Several years ago, I wrote a blog post on my other blog (The Knightly News), “Hard Words“, and I thought not of the blog itself, but of the words that are hard to hear.

Most people have experienced a time in their lives when they heard things that were hard to hear–I’ve had my share just like the next person.  When my doctor told me on August 2 that she didn’t have good news for me–I suspected the next words would be “hard” to hear.  I was right.  Cancer.  The word itself is ugly and suggests pain will follow.

Yesterday as my husband, Jeff and I were driving to Mayo, Florida to share our heart and passion for Bolivia and our calling there, God reminded me that the words I had heard, breast cancer, were not the hardest words to hear.  Neither is any other kind of cancer.

WAIT a second before you get aggravated with me–I know you just said to yourself and possibly the computer screen, “she does not know what she’s talking about”.  No, you’re right.  I don’t know your circumstance.  But I do know–beyond doubt that you- nor I have ever heard the  hardest words to hear.

       Hearing the words

  • your husband has been in an accident;
  • your son is in jail;
  • I’m leaving you;
  • you have cancer;
  • I hate you;
  • you’re fired;
  • we’re broke;
  • your son is gay;
  • your daughter is a prostitute;
  • your wife is on drugs; or
  • your parent is dying”…..

those are all hard words to hear.  Harder still to walk through.  But the hardest words–in the world to hear will be:

Depart from Me, I never knew you….

 

21 “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. 22 Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’23 And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’  Matthew 7:21-23 NKJV

There is no going back and re-doing anything.  No rehab, no new job, no hospital, no surgery, no amount of praying, nothing–can change or fix this…

“depart from Me”...that’s an eternal shift in your destination.  That’s the hardest words ever….That’s permanent.  It wasn’t what you thought.  YOU imagined that everything was okay.  YOU fixed it in your mind that all was well…when actually, nothing could be further from the truth.

After my 2nd mammogram of the year came back with good news that “whatever” it was (cyst we thought) was shrinking–and the radiologist felt confident there was no need for a biopsy or further tests–I gave a sigh of relief.  God was working on my behalf and taking care of this and I need not fear.

Then in just a tiny little-old week it seemed a small knot, or area of discomfort was aggravating me at times–admittedly, I tossed it off as just bruising from the mammogram. And it seemed to come and go in being tender and sometimes painful–but as weeks turned into months, it grew and so did the aggravation.  Many mornings I would put my hand on it and pray and ask the LORD to take care of it.  I felt completely confident that He would.  I was not afraid. I chalked it up to a cyst and knew I had another appointment coming up and it would be cleared by then.

Then the week before that appointment came, as I was praying on the back porch during my quiet time, I was assaulted by the enemy.  He threw everything at me.  Every fear imaginable. The biggest fear was that I would leave this world without accomplishing what God had assigned me.

God quickly reminded me “fear not”.  He didn’t create the fear–and He was not a giver of fear.  He was ready to give me peace, life and love–all I had to do was open my hands and heart, release the fear and take hold of the faith.  I did just that.  Peace flooded and remained-even on the day I sat in front of my doctor as she gave me the news.  Peace.  It was surreal–how I could have peace in the midst of such news.

I did weep– but I held the tears in check as I left the office and waited until I had gotten in my car and was headed out of the parking lot.  I didn’t cry a lot then– God was truly holding me up!   I didn’t want to cry– I wanted to hear from God.  I wanted Him to assure me that this was all a part of HIS plan…and that’s exactly what I got.  Not all at one time of course, but over the next few days–God let me know through HIS WORD–this was already covered.

Believe me–I’ve cried some since then–there was the scary things in the hospital that I’ve already told you about, there was the emotional feelings when the bandages were removed…there was the fear and feeling of weakness, insecurities of all kinds, but then, on top of all of that, there has been love.  Tons of it.  From friends, family and most of all, from my Abba Father.  God has simply amazed me.

Some people think (as I have been guilty of) that tears are a sign of weakness.  No.  Cry.  If you are afraid, cry.  If you are hurting, cry.  Tears relieve stress.   I never was a big crier–and actually cannot tolerate a cry-baby child or adult, but I have learned my tears do have a purpose.  Crying during praise and worship is healing… Crying in prayer…healing.

Unfortunately (or maybe not), I do tend to hold the lid on tighter than most so that when they do come–it’s a gusher. But through this journey–I have given myself leniency to cry.  Whenever I feel it coming on–I let it happen.    Remember that old song, “Tears Are A Language God Understands”… true.

When the hard words come–tears often join.  Almost always.

About a week ago, I encountered something that brought the tears hot and fast.  My emotions sank to the bottom of the ocean.  I didn’t understand–but God did.  He sees all, knows all and is always able no matter the cause or reason.  I’ve needed Him as never before–and HE has proven He’s able and available.

Tomorrow I will visit the radiation store. (Not really a store) I will get set up for the next leg of this journey and I’m expecting those days to flow with the presence of God as I’ve yet to see….I’m looking for Him to be there–every step.

As our youngest daughter reminded me–the enemy meant for this to be a road block, but it’s just a speed bump–God has everything under control. Bolivia is still in sight.  It will take more than cancer to remove the call on our lives.

So, what about you friend?  Have the hard words in your life completely stopped your progress?  Are you faltering, flailing about in confusion?  Those hard words aren’t the end for YOU.  They could be the beginning of what He has NEXT… Maybe a new assignment… A new purpose… Either way, let those be your reminder that you are still living and breathing and able to keep your hand safely tucked into the hand of Jesus.  Invite Him to take charge of your life if you’ve been doing it solo.  There is nothing you will encounter in this life that He cannot handle…and He will strengthen  YOU in your weakness….He has done that for me.

Don’t wait around for the “depart from Me” words…Cry out to Him today.  Now would be good.

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Can I pray with you?

Heavenly Father, You are ever mindful of each one of us…of our circumstances and those arround us.  You know our thoughts before they become words from our mouth.  You know our hearts–every tiny detail of our lives is not hidden from You.  Even in our worst condition You love us–so much that You sent Your only Son, Jesus for our sins.  To pay our ransom.  To give us life. Thank You Father for all You’ve done for me.   I pray for the reader today–that You would flood them with an urgency to know You and submit their life to You today.  Grant them the peace that only comes from You-right now.  No matter their situation, sickness, disease or cirmcumstance…show UP for them right now. In the holy name of Your Son Jesus I pray, and believe–Amen.

© Angie Knight 2016.  All rights reserved.  Photography © Angie Knight 2016.  All rights reserved.

 

 


Be on the LOOKOUT



From the time the first words were spoken– I was on the lookout.  I’ve been given bad news before–and truthfully, I think my mind was sort of in shock with this.  Cancer.  This was not what I was looking for–and not part of our plan.  I totally was not expecting what my doctor just said…but I was on the lookout for what God was about to do.  

You may think I am a bit radical, but this is something I fully and firmly believe:  God doesn’t give tragedies–but He allows life to come at believers the same as non-believers….and HE will use all of our circumstances for our good and His glory when we fully trust Him.
Recently I pulled my prayer journal out one morning and let my fingers and eyes trace back all the places in Scripture God had been leading me and all the whispers in the night that He had revealed.  There was a distinct line…it was written seemingly in a dot-to-dot,

“Be on the lookout”….

God had been preparing me–even a year ago.  No, I didn’t feel the lump a year ago, but I felt and heard from my heavenly Father.  We had been praying and seeking God about the mission field….we were still waiting on an answer.  Tears come quick to my eyes as I re-read the words that the Holy Spirit spoke to me over the course of about a week in the month of August, 2015 (that’s why I always encourage people,  KEEP A PRAYER JOURNAL!).
I shake my head right now, in disbelief, NOT in what He’s doing–but in the incredibility of how He does things…it AMAZES me.
I don’t feel at liberty to share all the things He said in my private prayer time with you right now, except for this: 

“Expect the Amazing.”

Maybe one day He will release me to tell you the full story of what He was doing–for now, I continue to keep track of His steps, trace His fingerprint in our lives and praise Him all along this mission journey.
Let me update you quick in case you are wondering about my health and progress.  Diagnosed with breast cancer on August 2, 2016.   Cancer was removed August 5, 2016 by way of lumpectomy and partial mastectomy.  Pathology report a week later revealed–the mass was self-contained, the margins CLEAN and lymph nodes CLEAR.  I will have 5 days of radiation and then pack for Bolivia! (Kidding on the last part, I have been slowly getting ready for a MASSIVE yard sale in September THEN we will be looking at getting some trunks and packing.
We have been blessed with amazing family and friends who have encouraged us, fed us, and liberally prayed for us.  Thank you.  For every cookie crumb and slice of ham!  We need to be on a diet today!
We are still planning to leave by January 1since language school begins January 4th.  BUT, all final decisions are God’s…and I completely trust and wait on His timing.  There are new expenses to work through, but honestly, we both truly believe God will somehow –someway, get us through all of that–in order to get us there.  

If you have always wanted to support a missionary with $25 a month (or whatever amount you feel), you can go here (click here) and scroll down to the bottom and select “give now”.  You have options to the side of the “give” box.  I put this statement here simply because you might want to know–and God will certainly use you and bless you in the process–as you would be joining us on the field by means of support!


Two words God has told me over and over–for over a year–through every single road block:       “Trust Me.”
Can I ask you something?  Do you trust Him?  

This is one of the passages I have continually been led to over and over while on this journey–not the cancer journey, the mission journey.

 
Our soul waits for the Lord;  He is our help and our shield.  For our heart shall rejoice in Him,  Because we have trusted in His holy name.  Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us,  Just as we hope in You. 

Psalm 33:20-22 NKJV

Jeff and I don’t have all the answers, but if you are believing God for something bigger than you can even put down on paper, or even whisper in the dark, can I lean towards you this afternoon and tell you, He’s trustworthy….
No matter what happens tomorrow, or next week, next month or even next year, my soul rejoices in God alone. He is my hope-my salvation comes from God and the gift of eternal life through His only Son, Jesus Christ.
And I for one, am on the look-out for the next miraculous thing He has up His sleeve….
What about you?
  
© Angie Knight 2016.  All rights reserved.  Photography  © Angie Knight 2016.  All rights reserved.  Simultaneously published on http://www.jeffandangieknight.com