Memories, Wanda

While We Were Waiting

We stayed by her bed. Off and on each taking turns.

The room was small and we went out from time to time to give other family members a minute…but Aimee, mother and I were claiming our place by her side. I was up and down, having trouble sitting still from the back problem I had encountered in November. I would try and walk –never leaving the room for long—fearing what might happen if I did. I was dealing with my emotions as best I could. Aimee, the loving nurse-sister was able to understand more of what was actually going on than the rest of us.

Of course, Mark rarely left her side. Not even for food. When they told us they would do all they could to keep her comfortable, he never left her again. No naps, no food. We brought food into him, he ate some, picked mostly.

I take that back on the no naps. On Sunday night, in a brief 20 minute nap, the man snored so loud while we were keeping watch, that I figured the nurses could hear him. It became quite comical to Aimee and me. Little Wanda never knew. As her body processes began to slow, she had been less “with us” and more “somewhere else” over the past few hours. The minutes ticked by slowly, just watching the monitor and it’s glaring digits.

After her doctor informed us that she was not having any kidney output, and that tests had shown her kidney function had all but ceased, she knew what was next. She was an incredibly loving doctor and had talked to Mark about “releasing” Wanda, and that we each needed to do the same. We in turn, began to go to her and love on her and tell her that it was okay that she left us. It really wasn’t okay with us. But in the deepest part of my heart, I knew that she would be whole again with Him.

So, with tears and severe heartache like we had never before experienced we each did as the doctor instructed. We had been singing to Wanda, songs of praise, like “As Long As I Have Breath…I will praise You Lord”…and other such worship songs. The Presence of the Holy God could be felt. After I spoke to her again, I slipped out of the room to go to the bathroom. I regret my bladder keeping me from hearing her voice for the last time.

On Monday morning, Wanda spoke her last words. Talking had become so difficult—requiring far too much breath and effort. Even today, her words ring in my heart. As she looked up at Mark very solemnly she said, “I don’t understand….(long pause)….we trusted God….(long pause for breath)….but….I still….trust Him“. The last five words were said with a resolute firmness of one who has walked through the fire and seen the reward up ahead.

And trust Him she did. With every single ounce of flesh and blood she possessed. A short while later, she lapsed into a semi-coma like state. We continued to sing over her…we talked about who would be in her “greeting party” upon entering those Gates. Even in our tired delirium, we laughed quite a bit about silly memories, and funny family stories. My sister Aimee kept us in stitches as she shared funny antics of her teenage son.

And then we’d cry.

A whirlwind of emotions. Aimee, mother and I had only been to bed for an hour on Monday afternoon. That evening after much prayer and talking and singing, we felt that it could be another couple of days. Her heart beat was very strong, although she never gained consciousness again.

I told mother, I think Wanda was floating somewhere between her body on the bed and her heavenly destination and she was getting a big kick out of all the singing, stories and laughter. When we looked into her eyes, which could not completely close, we couldn’t see Wanda anymore. I think that even then, she was preparing to leave us soon.

I clung to a sweet memory from when we entered the room that Sunday morning. Aimee was searching for something behind Wanda in the cabinet. I was sitting directly in front of her. She rarely spoke. She had no energy. I searched her face for signs that she completely understood what we said. She did. I asked her a question and got no answer. Just a puzzled look. I asked her again. She looked at me and smiled and said, “I’m thinking.” With a brilliant, sister-shared smile, my eyes filled. I knew that spectacular smile would soon be witnessed by our loved ones who were waiting for her There.

A quick note to my sweet readers. I’m almost done. Just a few more posts. I know some of you were with me last year when all of this happened. I wasn’t able to share this last year. I was too raw. It was too hard. It hurt too bad. Today, the pain is different. I KNOW I will see her again. Perhaps very soon. “No man knoweth the day or the hour the Son of Man cometh”…I intend to be ready. If I can encourage anyone to make sure they have their hearts in tune with God—that you give EVERY thing in your life to Christ—holding nothing back—I ask you to simply examine your life. Talk to the Savior. He’s always ready to listen.

Thank you all for your patience and your comments. I have not had a chance to respond to everyone….but I will. You have all blessed me with your ear and shoulder more than you realize. I love you dear sisters!

11 thoughts on “While We Were Waiting”

  1. hello Angie, God has sure blessed you to be able to write your memories of Wanda. I will be glad when I can share my stories of my little man in a way that ministers the way that God works through you. You just don’t realize how much you minister. You are a true Blessing. Thank you for sharing with us. Have a blessed day my friend.Love ya suki

  2. Angie, every time I come here and read about your journey with Wanda, I hear the voice of God, “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” Bless you, dear sister for sharing these beautiful moments with us.

  3. God is so amazing! While He was touching your Wanda with His wonderful grace, she was in turn touching your life with her inner strength and complete trust in her Saviour. Now you are using the comfort and grace the Lord has given you and are passing it along to us who have gone through similar circumstances or will someday go through this. <>2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (TNIV)Praise to the God of All Comfort,Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. <>Thank you so much for allowing the Lord to use you!

  4. Feelings are like, they are in kind.Though our experiences all differ we are all a kin in the journey for we have felt those things. It is in knowing that we are not alone…any of us. This is the testimony we give to our walk. We speak out to those who are knowing such loneliness in the silence of hidden wounds,We speak out…you are not alone. Another knows your sorrow , pain and despair. Your joy ,sweetness and longing. It is in so doing that we are united in common healing.God then smiles upon us with a reverence of his own knowing of said things. He too is not alone, we understand.

  5. Still with you on this journey Angie. You are a sweet blessing and I know the Lord will use your words to bring honor and glory to His name.

  6. Just precious, just precious!We too were told to release our Grandmother in 1990. Your story brought that back for me. I’m full — my heart is full.God be glorified in your testimony dear friend and may so many be moved closer to JESUS.I love you.

  7. Hi Angie,I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. I just read through so many posts on Wanda. I never realized this was your SISTER!!I’m so blessed you are finally able to put in words what you had the honor of witnessing.What a legacy she has left!!(on another note, thanks so much for my card, you are so sweet!!)Love you Angie♥

  8. And I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and joy in my people: and the voice of weeping shall be no more heard in her, nor the voice of crying. For his anger [endureth but] a moment; in his favour [is] life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy [cometh] in the morning. Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: [are they] not in thy book? He has a “tear” book….. HE bottles them up and puts them in a book! HE is a GOD with a HEART .. a GOD of love and understanding… HE watches as we cry and grieve, and although HE is enjoying the very presence of our loved one, HE understands our grief! What a God…. It will be something to see that book that HE has kept in each of our lives! Wanda has seen hers………….Hugs!

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