Yesterday morning, I begrudgingly got out of bed, still exhausted from the previous day; however, I knew my mind wouldn’t let me stay. Too many things racing to be lined up for the day.
So many changes this year—they came rushing in on the coattails of last year. We are no longer inching through weeks, months and years; we seem to be rushing headlong into 2024. What does it hold? For many people, much of the same as the last few years, for others, they are headed into the great unknown of dreams and plans long in the making. Some are about to hold a brand-new life, whether their first or third baby, the changes that little one will make will impact the full 24 hours of every-single-day. And many others are about to step into a new job or new school.
Those on my mind this morning are the ones who have been handed a more drastic change of life—the last days of having a loved one close by. All of these changes take time to process. Some are blessed to have those extra months, but for others, this change in life happens so suddenly it takes their breath away and catapults them into an abyss of sorrow they never expected.
Our family fell into the category of watching a loved one slip away over the last few years, as first the mind began to wander—and then the body began to fail.
You were the one on my mind yesterday morning when I grabbed my notebook and began to scrawl across the page the words below, describing what I could see our loved one’s experience in a place of the spirit that we don’t see physically. Often the emotions or the spirit of us experience things that the camera of the physical eye cannot capture. The paragraphs below are what I felt our loved ones, those who have followed Jesus Christ, may have experienced—not in a physical sense, but perhaps in their spirit.
I remember the weekend I found this sign. It snowed while we were in Ellijay, Georgia and it was beautiful–and I felt like God did it just for ME!
This was back before all the good stores closed–and this picture may have been taken in Blue Ridge, GA, again, before all the good stores closed. Now it’s new stuff and commercialized. Few have a walk down memory lane “used-thrift-store-stuff and antiques”. It’s disappointing to say the least. But I digress.
When I saw the yield sign, I knew it meant something. I’ve stopped on the road side before and snapped a picture of a yield sign because someone put a few bullet holes in it. Holmes County Florida–probably a teenager with not enough to keep him busy at home and no curfew. (Don’t get me started on that…)
Anyway –yield signs speak to me. They say stop. Become aware of where you are and where you’re headed. Are you going YOUR way -or His way. (Can we just pause so I can say: Yield. To. His. Plan.)
As we have approached 2022, never imagining in my wildest dreams 20 years ago that we would ever be here, I look back contemplatively at the last several years: Where did it go and what did I do with the time spent? Ever wonder that yourself?
I have walked through some places I wouldn’t want to walk again—yet,to hear the voice of God as I have heard Him in the past six years, I would.
I spent some time the last few days looking backwards through some prayer journals at what God has done in my life—and I am still amazed: Healed of cancer. Healed through chemo and radiation, both of which I felt would kill me, yet did not.
I experienced Him healing my raw radiation damaged skin almost overnight and layer it with brand new skin. The two radiation technicians were so stunned— (they had seen it the day before), that one called the other in to see–and then they called the doctor in to be a witness to the miracle that had begun in 24 short hours. God can do a LOT in a little time. Remember what He did in just six days?
I witnessed firsthand how God uses our circumstances to draw us closer to Him, reach others for Him, reveal our shortcomings to us, and bring glory to His name all at the same time.
I wouldn’t have chosen that—but He knew what I would be on the other side of it. Changed.
Through various things in my life, from rebellion as a teenager and even as a young adult, to almost losing both my daughters at different times and very different circumstances (April’s car accident and Tiffany, when her little Zackary was born); God has taught me more about submission than I could have imagined.
Submission is hard. I have watched a young lady I love very much struggle with it, even get angry about it—and I want to hold her close and tell her if she will stop fighting it and lean on God—He will help her. But this is something, as painful as it will be for her, she will have to learn from Him. Just like I did. And she will see her relationship with Him—grow.
I think as long as we live we will keep learning the art of submission. Jesus displayed this daily. At the end of His earthly ministry—He prayed, “Not my will but yours be done” (Luke 22:42). He knew what was about to happen—yet He submitted.
We experience submission in daily living. Sickness takes a toll and changes the way we operate on a daily basis. Just look around at what the C* virus has done to our lives and routines.
Before Christmas my dad underwent open heart surgery. It was either submit to surgery or plan to die. There was no middle ground and there were no “if-and’s-or but’s”. Death would come. Of course, we know that death will still come, should the Lord tarry –but it would come much sooner for him without the surgery.
After the surgery there are still lessons in submission. The doctor has orders. Our body dictates what it will and won’t do. And we submit to the complete painful exhaustion of the process of healing. But healing and strength will come—and much sooner if we submit.
Surrendering to the Holy Spirit is often the same. I’ve had my own painful times of learning to surrender and submit to Him—and the same results occur. While the act of surrendering or submitting—both mean to yield, it is not the same as “giving up”. To give up means to cease making an effort; resign oneself to failure.
As we surrender, we do so with a fortitude (stubbornness) that will carry us through the hardest times.
My mother and I had a conversation one morning recently about the stubborn gene trait in the women of our family. While we are sometimes tenacious or stubborn it doesn’t mean we don’t surrender at the appropriate time. We submit to authority—but we can stubbornly push ourselves forward to complete a task when our body feels it has reached its limit. I believe the stubborn gene trait was an asset to me when I had cancer.
In the new year- I am quite sure we will find places to stubbornly push ourselves forward when we really feel like giving up—and I believe we will also feel the urgency to surrender to the Holy Spirit when He reminds us—we don’t have to do this alone. He is with us—just as the ministering angel was with Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane –so the Holy Spirit is with us. (Luke 22:43)
Without my biggest surrender in 2009 by getting on my first airplane–I would not be where I am today–with a storehouse of memories, miracles and blessings–more than I ever imagined I would ever see and experience.
My thought line of airplanes was quite ridiculous…”If God wanted me to fly–He would have given me wings”….and….”Oh, I’ll fly one day–when I fly up to Heaven.” (Sounds just like some little granny would say. Trouble was–I was saying this in my 20’s!). I was afraid. Fear kept me on the ground while God wanted me to soar and see new things.
Can I offer a suggestion for your own 2022? Don’t be afraid. When something new comes your way–pray about it and then if you feel God directing you toward the “fearful thing”…go after it with gusto! If it’s beginning your own new business–or going back to school…or stepping out in faith in a ministry you feel called to do…Hold His hand tight and GO FOR IT!
Can we also encourage those around us?
Maybe they struggle with surrender.
Maybe we just need to let them know they aren’t alone? Or, perhaps they don’t know Jesus—it’s very possible they’ve never encountered a moment to need Him with such urgency as we’ve had in the past years.
No matter what this new year brings, let us look to Him—as we face the year in faith, fully surrender to His guidance…and He will carry us all the way Home.
The trees are down. Decorations put away. Almost. There is one little tree left in the guest room because I have a plan for that one. (Rambling thoughts for my first blog of 2021.)
I bought three trees in October of 2018 and they fit perfectly in different areas of the little cabin we lived in, graciously provided by dear friends of ours. It was cozy and warm and felt homey from the first time we walked in. I needed the twinkling light from those trees in my home to soothe my aching heart over the enormous turmoil my heart, mind and emotions were in—not to mention the physical problems that had arose as a result of the chemo and radiation before we left for Bolivia. But we won’t go into that today.
We are now in our third house since moving back home, but we are back in the house we lived in before we left. The house where the dreams were dreamed and plans made–and faith grew. Even though this house is much smaller than either of the other two we lived in since being back, I was determined to put the three trees back up. As I half dragged the big box for the 7 foot tree to the back porch and exclaimed loud enough for Jeff to hear as he was walking to the house, “I’m not putting up any trees next year”. I was pooped. His reply to remind me that I “would change my mind” was 99% truth. I’m holding out 1% in case I don’t.
Nearly every year I find one left over and misplaced decoration that got left out of the Christmas storage boxes…and I have to remember to tuck it away some place safe so I can find it in 11 months. Or 10. Depending on how 2021 goes. I joined the ranks of thousands of women all over the nation who doggedly pulled the trees out at the end of October and first sign of November to bring a little joy to this crazed world.
After most all the decorations had been packed up and the big tree, standing naked in the living room I grabbed the top to jerk it off the main trunk and my hand felt the ornament. The last one. The one on the back side that I never saw. Oh, I decorate the back too, even though you don’t see it. For balance sake you have to even out the whole tree, otherwise you will come in and find it on the floor (as I saw a few pictures of on Instagram).
When I pulled the little ornament free from the branch, I realized it belonged in the very bottom box of the heavy stack of five and I wasn’t about to unload and search out it’s nesting place. I wrapped it in tissue and tucked it inside a little box and shoved it down into a secure place in the top box. It was a tiny snowman. I have a thing for snowmen. I guess because I live in Florida and it rarely ever snows. Like maybe once every 10 or 12 years. So instead of living in snowy areas, I have a few little snowmen who hang on the fake snow-covered branches of my Christmas tree.
As I sat there exhausted from the clean-up, I wondered what in the world is all the fuss about. Why did I continue to make things difficult for myself?
I realized I do that so often in day-to-day life as well.
As 2021 was approaching I realized it was high time I made some serious changes. For myself.
In the dismantling of the Christmas decorations, I thought about all the unnecessary things we (I) have layered into my life. Stacked it right on top of each other -and I have felt like there were times either it, or I would topple. Only I can fix this.
Coming back home after living in a foreign third-world country I realized I lived without a lot of things that I now have [again] in my home or on my shelves.
Santa Cruz, Bolivia, March 2018
I had no dryer. I hung up all our clothes and ironed every single thing we wore. Now, I have a dryer—and I still iron. But that’s a choice.
I had no dishwasher to make life easier. I washed every single dish and dried it and put it away. Today, I have a dishwasher. It does everything BUT put them away. And I’m tons more exhausted now with all the extra helpers of appliances than I was then. So, what’s the deal?
Personally, I think it’s the race we’re in. It’s kind of invisible, but it’s there nonetheless. The minute my feet hit the floor it begins. We accomplish no more than if we stopped and took a breath and paused and drank a cup of coffee with a friend.
I love the one-on-one talks with friends. Covid has sort of taken away the privilege of that necessary cup of coffee with a friend…unless you Zoom it in…and that’s just not the same. So we have all hibernated away in a sense. At least parts of us–we tucked away because we couldn’t do the things we were accustomed to doing the way we were accustomed to doing them.
Yesterday, January 1, 2021 I experienced my FIRST grocery pick-up. I can truthfully say that I would be fine to not darken the doors of Walmart again–this was so NICE! It saved me from unnecessary purchases and it saved me about an hour out of my day….not to mention the exhaustion accompanied by the grocery shopping. SO, THIS was one new change brought about by Covid that I actually LIKE!
It might have been difficult for you to walk into this new year using the words, “Happy”. You may have lost the dearest person to you in 2020–so you are likely super skeptical about 2021. I would be too. I felt that way about 2019. Physically I was in such a mess from the damaged thyroid from cancer treatments that showed up in life altering ways–that I didn’t feel happy…about much of anything.
I had painted our mission field experience in bright colors and expected things to turn out the way I had envisioned…. On this side of it, I remind myself that our lives are designed by the Master Creator. And even though there were so many things that were unexpected…. I believe He was glorified by our faith and trust in Him to fulfill the dreams He had placed inside our hearts—even though things had changed. Tucked inside the harder days, there were many happy ones. Time spent with our friends–happy times. Monday night ladies Bible Study–even though I had to work hard to understand what was said, happy times. Walking the streets of Bolivia holding the hand of my sweet love (and Costa Rica), happy times. Baking cookies or creating a new dish for Jeff, happy times. The list goes on.
The discovery that my “happy” times were times spent with those I love, or doing something for them let me see that my times of discouragement came from within my mind–where the enemy stalks and throws out reminders of what was missing from my life. And even though it was so painful–these two years later, I finally see that I am the only one who can decide who the winner is.
If our happiness is dependent on our circumstances–I guess we could all find places to sit down in the mud of life and quit.
Our true “happy new year” will come from the LORD. Even this morning–in the wee hours when I was half asleep/half awake–the enemy tossed a few reminders into my head about the missing pieces that once brought joy. As I thought about them, I soon realized what his plan was; for me to enter 2021 with sadness and more depression. But I cannot allow that any longer.
My joy comes from the LORD. He is my rock and my salvation. I must make every effort to be conscious of the tactics of the enemy–staying aware. Staying armed with the Word of God will defeat the enemy EVERY TIME. I may not jump up from here this morning dancing with glee….but I will get up with the strength which comes from my Father. I will rejoice and be GLAD of heart for ALL that He has brought me through.
And, since I’m still breathing…and apparently you are too, HE has something yet for us to do. As I make conscious efforts to keep in step with Him, guarding my heart and thoughts, I pray for you, that YOU are able to see Him standing beside you, hand extended. Ready to hold you when you need holding, lead you along the way, and guide the direction of the path you should take in 2021.
I believe with ALL my heart, Jesus is coming soon. Use what He has given you. And, have a HAPPY, confident in Him, Jesus filled New Year!
Jeff & Angie 