Category: Trials

faith, Trials, Trust, Wanda

Trusting in the New Year

A. Knight

This was originally part one of a three-part series, “Trust IN God”

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Many years ago, when my sister, Wanda’s daughter was not even a year old–Wanda became very sick.  According to the doctor on her case, at the point of death.  He offered very little hope.  The changes he made in her medication made things even worse.  With her blood pressure dropping to the low thirties and her breathing very labored, talking was impossible.  Prayer, on the other hand, was not.

I remember the room in Tallahassee Memorial Hospital being very large, enough to accommodate her bed, the equipment, and 9 of us.  The family.  The blood of Christ flowing in our veins making us family- for those who were not actual “kin”.  When hopes were dashed upon the rocks of life, we clung to the cross on the hill.

While we listened to the doctor state the facts as he saw them, my mother adamantly (if you know “Grandleria, you know what this sounded like) requested Wanda’s childhood physician be notified at once (Dr. St. Petery).  He was the one who had seen her from childhood, at the onset of the discovery of her heart condition.  The doctor [present], not taking my mother as seriously as he should have, stated that “his notification of her condition would not change the facts.”

He then went on to suggest alternative medications–although not giving much hope of them working. He just wanted to try and see what would work.

With anger rising up in me, I said directly to the doctor, “You will not make my sister a guinea pig!” I remember mother looking at me, her eyes filled with tears and pain.  I just really wanted to bop him in the head–but that would do no good.  This was my sister’s life, and I was kind of a mess of hormones, and my non-spiritual flesh came to the surface.

Just a few more moments of discussion ensued, the air in the room stiff and as labored as Wanda’s breathing.  The doctor, standing to leave, shaking his head, obviously could not imagine why we were acting this way, surely, at this point in Wanda’s life, we had to know that it could not last.

Yet we held on to a faith that he could not see.  We held to One greater than he supposed himself to be.  Faith and trust in a God that is Sovereign.

I remember at least four ministers in the room with us.  After he left, we began to seek God with fresh urgency.  With hands lifted, we prayed and sought God–trusting in His decision.  I was asking God to be present and asking Him to give us a sign of His working—all things for our good. At this point, I wasn’t seeing anything good.

In just moments, the door opened, and in walked the doctor mother had requested, in physical form, and with him came a spiritual ignition for our faith and trust!  The atmosphere in the room instantly changed!  It seemed as if all the hot air of the enemy had been pushed out the window and in GUSHED the fresh air of the Holy Spirit!  (Isaiah 59:19)

I saw the expression on my mother’s face change instantly.  Relief washed over her like a clean waterfall gushing its cool freshness down a mountainside.  The situation was re-examined.  Suggestions offered–decisions made.  We all left for Gainesville.  Praying all the way.  Beseeching God.  Surely, God would not have given this long dreamed of –prayed for–baby to this woman only to take her life after just a few short months of motherhood.  Indeed not.  Our TRUST in God is secure as the dawning of the next day’s sun.

If you know anything about us or our story, you know that all turned out exactly as God planned.  Her life was just the number of days God had set forth from the beginning.  (Job 14:5 “You have decided the length of our lives. You know how many months we will live, and we are not given a minute longer.”)

Wanda’s next few years with her precious daughter were a sweet blessing, all captured in a bottle of time.  Giving God daily praise for each breath!

Her trust was secure.

Is ours?

  • When the checkbook gets into the single digits are we secure in Him?  In His care for us?
  • When the bread box contains only 2 end slices…does our stomach growl in mock hunger?
  • When the fabric of our faith wears thin, where is our trust?  In Him?  Or in what we can see…

Do we say “I trust You LORD even when:

  • the children get sick
  • the hours at work are cut
  • the promotion is given to someone else
  • the marriage falls apart
  • the child rebels
  • the loved one dies

Do we trust God ONLY when things are going our way?  Or, are we in it for the long haul?

If it seems your trust slips at the points of severe tension–know this:  Jesus Christ is there to realign your faith in Him.

I want to encourage you today, in the brand New Year of 2025, to bolt your faith so securely to Jesus.

Adjust your vision and focus to settle on Him–and not on your seemingly insurmountable circumstances.  Things on the outside may not change.  But the inside of your heart and mind can rest knowing that God has all things in His line of sight and WILL work all things for our good.  It may not “feel” good….but if you and I will trust Him–He will walk us through whatever may come our way.

Youtube video:  People & Songs, The Emerging Sounds with Meg Ammons.

© Angie Knight 2024.  All rights reserved.  Edited from the previous version published June 2010.

An Angie Story, breast cancer, Devotion, faith, Hope, Life Issues, Salvation, SIN, spiritual warfare, Trials

Your Testing Ground

A. Knight

Have I told you my story yet?  

You’re probably like, “Angie, you have told me SO much, I’m not sure which story you are talking about! 🙂

When I heard about you and what’s going on in your life, I felt like there were some nuggets from my own story that might help you this morning (or evening-whenever you find yourself reading this).

Sometimes I find myself holding back — well, being transparent, I do hold back at times.  But this morning, I wanted to share it all.  I only like good surprises.  If I know what I’m up against, I can be better prepared to handle what’s coming.  Well, life doesn’t work like that.  Only God holds our story.  Only He knows what’s in the book.  From the day you and I were born until the day we draw our last breath–He knows ALL the stuff in between.  So trust me when I say…there is nothing He can’t handle.  And He will walk you through ALL the things you would rather be delivered out of.  Sometimes He will do it like that…and then other times, He’s like, “Hey, I’ve got some people down the road who will need to know your story–and How you trusted Me to get you to the goal…are you willing?”   Well, when You put it like that…. (To read the rest, go here.)

© Angie Knight. All rights reserved. 

Photo credit:  free photos from Pixabay.com 

Devotion, faith, Family, Life Issues, prayer, Trials

Where Am I?

A. Knight

By now, most of our friends and all of our family know what happened in our lives on July 4. The unknowns that morning were scary. But after the hospital and initial doctor visits we had more answers.

Jeff fell from scaffolding. Not as high as his fall in Bolivia–but this was onto concrete. His head and right shoulder took the brunt. He had a pretty bad concussion, broken and dislocated collarbone, broken rib, and fracture in the third vertebra. The extent of the fracture was unknown then. But I can promise you MUCH prayer ensued. And I believe God made that unknown fracture so insignificant that the final ex-ray and MRI showed a different picture than the initial one. It was more “like a “shin-splint” in the neck”, according to Dr. Lee (spine specialist). I believe that was the result of the prayers prayed by people here and in Bolivia.

The collarbone, dislocated forward rather than inward, which was “good”, meaning no surgery required. But they said he would always have a knot….well you know what I believe???? Yes. If you know me at all–you know I believe God can absolutely resolve the knot. Will HE? I don’t know what He will do.

Sometimes, like in Paul’s life, He chooses to leave certain things so that our weaknesses become a place in our lives where HIS strength shines. I may not know what He will do, but regardless of what He does, I know He can do ANYTHING….and sometimes, that “anything” results in using what we see as a weakness, to show us that through HIS strength we can accomplish whatever He puts in front of us.

He’s done it too many times before me–for me not to know this today.

Because of the concussion and his memory loss, Jeff repeatedly asked the same questions. “What happened? How did I get here? What was I doing?” With great patience, we each answered these questions with the same response: “You fell from scaffolding. Juno brought you. You were fixing one last board on the side of his house.” For several hours this went on. He doesn’t remember any of that…but he now remembers all his other lost memories (ALL Praise to GOD!!).

This morning in my prayer time, these questions came back to me. Many times in our lives we wind up in places we had no intention of ever being.

Our circumstances were the result of our actions–or many times, our “inaction”. The teen-mom never intended to be a mom at the age of 15. The young man never intended to destroy his mind with the alcohol and drugs. The couple never intended to end up in divorce court…

What happened? How did I get here? Most likely–guards were let down. Armor was not worn (spiritual armor). Our minds become distracted with everything going on in the world–and there is some bad things happening everywhere–yesterday’s (as$@ssination) attempt was a prime example of the ugly.

If we are not careful, our words, actions or inactions–and our attitudes can wreck our own lives and the ones we love. That’s what the devil wants. Wreckage piling up like an interstate traffic pile up. Once there–it’s mighty hard to get out.

Jeff’s accident was the result of some not-so-fancy footwork. But again, God had His mighty hand on him because just as in Bolivia, it could have been MUCH worse. We could be attending a funeral instead of church this morning.

I just want to pause in the “devotion-lesson” today and say a huge thank you to our Evangel Church family and our church in Bolivia, Centro Familiar de Adoración all our family and friends, both here and there–thank you. Your prayers have made a difference! We are believing for MORE! 🙂 We know NOTHING is impossible with God!

I will take this back up later–but I feel like someone needs to be reminded right now, pay attention to where you are and what you are doing. One misstep can land you where you don’t want to be. One word spoke in anger can do more damage than you can imagine.

I don’t want to find you asking the same question of “what happened?…. in your own life.

Focus Forward Ministries, Inc.

Devotion, faith, Family, marriage, prayer, spiritual warfare, Trials

Gear-UP

A. Knight

Our oldest grandson has some favorite things: Wrestling, Marvel Movies, family, and a good banana split.    Almost in that order.  With him being autistic, I’ve had to learn a new approach on many things in our lives, but especially change when it comes to him.  We stick to a routine as much as possible for his sake. 

This past Saturday we watched a Marvel Movie:  Captain America: The Winter Soldier.  When something is said that catches my ear–I pay attention and generally pause the movie and write it down.  I did so last….. (To read the REST of the story, run over to my personal blog)

Devotion, faith, Grandchildren, Life Issues, prayer, Trials, Trust

Cover Them…

A. Knight

In my quiet time this morning, I had one of those thoughts that came flying through.  Not a bad thought-but a very clear “picture thought”.  

The phrase, “cover me-I’m going in” did a fly by in my brain.  

I have said it before, I enjoy a good western movie.  Mostly the older ones though.  I don’t think they make a western movie any more that doesn’t have a barn full of cussing and clothing issues….if you get my drift.  So, I generally stick with the old black and white programs when I want to watch a good western. 

It’s a shame though. A true shame that we have become so word ignorant that we have to rely on bad language to sell a movie.  You can see real quick I could go off on a rant right here if I’m not careful.  So I’ll stop and thank God that we actually have had some good movies in the past few years. 

Back to the fly-by.  “Cover me–I’m going in”, has been said in countless westerns, cop shows, murder mysteries, etc.  What they were needing was back up.  Someone to watch out for them. Warn them of … [Click here to read the rest on my personal blog]

Photo credit: free photo from Pixabay.com

Adversity, Bolivia, breast cancer, Devotion, faith, Hope, Life Issues, Missions, prayer, Trials, Trust

Facts vs Truth

A. Knight

Yesterday, when I sat down to write and pray, I did what I always do: write the date.  August 1, 2023.  I knew immediately what Wednesday, August 2, 2023 would represent.  Seven years since the diagnosis of breast cancer marched into my ears, as if it was going to take up permanent residence.  It was not.

There are some things that chemotherapy snatched away from my memories–but that day feels as if it is grounded in concrete with rebar.  After my physician, ….to read the rest, head over to my personal journey blog.

Bolivia, breast cancer, Costa Rica, Life Issues, Missions, Trials, Trust

Early Morning Coffee…

A. Knight

“Wow.” -That is a word I use a LOT. 

It lends itself to describe my feelings on a lot of things…from the good -to the bad…even to the ugly. 

(I promise I don’t write about cancer often-but when I feel led to…I do. So maybe someone has just had a diagnosis, or needs to just know their loved one can make it through–this is for you.)

The word “WOW” depicts my astonishment over many things…

It’s what I wanted to say when my doctor looked at me in a sort of nervous way- and said the words “cancer” quickly, as if to get them out there in the open air–might relieve some of the stress she was feeling.

 Her first words, “Well, I don’t have good news for you”,  hung suspended, and I wanted to hit the rewind button and back track and maybe even have a re-do of the past few days events.  But that wasn’t happening.  It was there.  The test run- the mammogram and the ultrasound with the biopsy all told the facts of what was under the skin of me…but just so far.  It couldn’t get to the heart of me… that was and is only for God to see.

 I sat on the back porch, ignored the obvious humidity and heat and drank my coffee at the beginning of that particular week and I felt a weariness and dread come over me–it knocked me backwards in my spirit.  Have you ever felt spiritually knocked down?  As if you were in a physically-real-fight?

The REST of the story is on my prayer journal blog…. HERE.

Cambodia, faith, Mission Trip, Missions, Trials, Weekend Reflections

The Climb

A. Knight

I will never forget the sights, smells and sounds of this boat ride. Nor the heat. Seim Reap, Cambodia, and it was about 139 degrees (not really, it just felt like it). We were headed to the “floating village”. Little did I know that river trip would change me forever.

School children headed to their floating homes from the “floating school”.

I had NO clue what that BIG dream would lead to. What started out as one thing–ended up as something that would show me much more than I ever believed I would see or experience…that’s what happens when we leave the choices to God. My part in all of it was a willingness to follow wherever His path chose. I will not kid you and make you think it was easy. It was hard. Letting go of one thing only to sit on the sidelines and see what He would do. It was supposed to be Egypt after all. Not Cambodia.

I remember sitting in my little praying spot in the living room and crying–asking Him–what are YOU doing?

The first miracle came with how God brought $2,400 in for the trip in less than 48 hours. After the excitement of realizing I was actually going to get to go settled in–Syria became a hot place. Egypt became unavailable for the mission trip. “What would you like to do, Angie? Wait and see? Or, be refunded?”

I held on to hope that God would turn things around. Then the call came that the trip was changed to Cambodia–did I still want to go? I knew in my heart that God knew all of this before we even began… Yes, I will go.

Once we had rested (after 23 hours in the air), we had our church service with the students at the Dream Center, which is where we were going to work (another blog). We went to lunch and then to tour a portion of the Angkor Wat temple. Click here to read more about the area. Originally built for hindu gods, but later was dedicated to buddhism (because apparently, the hindu gods failed [no duh, there is only ONE GOD–and to put it in my NW Florida/SE Alabama vernacular, it ain’t buddha either].

Anywaywhooo, this is about the steps. I just read that this tour is not for people with heart problems, pregnant women, but for physically fit people…uhm…I was not physically fit. Not by a long shot. But I flew all this way–and by George, I was committed to experience all the things so that I could share it with the precious people who had so graciously contributed.

I don’t have a picture of the front of the first climb of mountain of steps. It was straight up like the middle photo, but without any handrails. Our guide and mission leader explained that anyone who wanted to climb was free to go–however if anyone felt they couldn’t do it, they could stay on the ground with those who had either been before and was not about to climb it again–or those whose physical condition prohibited the climb.

This next part of the story is the most significant and what I really wanted to share–but you needed some background–right? As I began the straight up climb it was not initially difficult, despite the extraordinary heat. But after about 10 steps, my legs began burning. Soon I was having to press down on my wobbly thighs and try as best I could not to hassle like an exhausted dog when I breathed. Up-up-up we continued to climb. I, along with all our mission-mates were sweating profusely.

A little over mid-way, completely spent and borderline passing out, I paused and looked down to the ant-size people on the ground and I remembered Candi’s words, “you can stay here on the ground with us and wait if you don’t feel like you can make it”…and I thought how easy it would be to turn around and go back to safety. I think I even said as much to Vanessa who was the one nearest me. She was out of breath as well.

Red faced, sweat pouring, I turned back and heard a voice from the top level as he said, “the view is worth the climb”. My eyes climbed the steps even though my feet had not yet, and I saw a tall, white haired, elderly man as he stood at the top near one of the columns–no evidence of sweat stains on his shirt and he certainly wasn’t out of breath.

I pressed further on my thighs to pull myself up, almost willing them to keep moving, don’t freeze up. When the man stepped back around the column he seemed to disappear in the stones. There were not many people at the top when we finally, out of breath completely, arrived. My eyes scanned the few people stopped to catch their breath and sip lukewarm water, and I realized he was not among them. Anywhere.

As Vanessa and I began our duet of touring with limited conversation –because of the inability to talk and walk and sweat at the same time–I kept my eyes peeled for another sight of him. I never saw him again–even in seeing many other people, he was not among them.

Believe whatever you want–but I personally believe he was stationed right there to give me that message: “the view is worth the climb.” It was as if the Lord wanted me to know, life in general is tough. But I would face times ahead that it would take all I had to keep going. It would take perseverance to not find a shade tree to stand under while others climbed. It would take a constant focus and determination to not be tempted to just “wait it out”, while others did the hard stuff.

Friends, He calls us to the hard stuff. We– all believers and non-believers have life to plow through–and there are rocks and tree stumps in it for all of us. What believers in Jesus have that non-believers don’t have–is Someone to journey with them–to guide them and be with them every single step of the way; the hard days and the easier days. I would never want to began a journey anywhere without Him.

There was a heavy feeling of darkness there that day (in my spirit), I had one other trip years later to another country and tourist location where I felt this feeling of darkness. I kept whispering prayers under my breath as I walked–stopped –took pictures and felt the immense sadness that seemed to have permeated the thick walls of stone.

I’m not sure why this trip suddenly has come to my mind–but for the last several days–I’ve thought about it. Last Sunday, just before the mission service I shared the climbing portion with our pastor because he had said something in his morning message that reminded me of the climb. I think in the days we are living–the days that seem darker than my generation has ever experienced–we are going to NEED to push down hard to keep climbing.

My heart has stayed broken over things I hear that children and teens are being exposed to and how they are treated. There are those who God has called to become foster parents–and I cannot applaud them enough. Yes the system stinks. It is slow as molasses on a January morning in Canada–but we continue to pray for the safety of these who cannot speak for themselves.

Every mission trip God has blessed me with has widened my eyes and pricked my heart to pray more–give more and do all I can with the days I have ahead of me. My prayer is that He continues to widen my eyes. Enlarge the borders of Focus Forward Ministries and the church. My deepest desire is to make a difference for God, in the lives of others.

So if your climb has given you wobbly legs…. don’t look down or back… press forward. There are others right beside you, others following your footsteps, and the One ahead of you will lead you Home if you keep your focus on Him.

Devotion, faith, Ministry, Trials, Trust

Nothing Wasted

A. Knight

“Where did you go to, if I may ask?’ said Thorin to Gandalf as they rode along.To look ahead,’ said he.And what brought you back in the nick of time?’Looking behind,’ said he.”– J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit


Looking ahead is what we do.  For the most part, we all like to know in advance—hoping we can do something about the things we know absolutely nothing about.
It’s like we “think” we need to help God.  Are you kidding me?  You know–you do the same.  I’m not the only one.  
I use the excuse of  “needing to plan ahead”….ha.  The real deal is the fact that we want to know so that we can make alternative plans or ADJUST His plan… That’s the TRUE REAL DEAL.
We want to know so we can “advise God and give Him input…. be careful.  You and I will hear the same speech Job did.  Were we there when He cast the line for the waves to stop?  Were we present when the morning stars sang and all the sons of God shouted for joy–all for Him?  (Read Job 38)
What I’ve been hearing over and over in my heart–through reading The Word and in messages, “trust-and-wait”.  They go together like peas and carrots (Forrest would say).
In the story of our lives, God leaves nothing out. There are things we don’t know- yet- and things we will never know, this side of heaven. (That is where trust comes in…)
We participate in each word, line and punctuation of the details of our lives—as we live it.  Only He knows the advance of our days.  He’s been to our tomorrow and has a sovereign plan—and gives us the opportunity to put faith into action when the punctuation of our story turns to question marks.

Psalms 139:1-6  says:
O Lord, you have examined my heartand know everything about me. You know when I sit down or stand up.You know my thoughts even when I’m far away. You see me when I traveland when I rest at home.You know everything I do.You know what I am going to sayeven before I say it, Lord. You go before me and follow me.You place your hand of blessing on my head.Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,too great for me to understand!


We are held in the promise of His Sovereignty.  We will never—ever face anything that He hasn’t looked and either orchestrated or approved…FOR OUR GOOD.
What does that look like?  Our good may not necessarily be desirous of us on the given day it actually happens…but, I can honestly say, after living 5 decades, it is for our good.  And He is dependable.

I may believe Him for something for more than 10 years…but when the miracle arrives, the years and tears no longer matter.  Like Gandalf, in the story of The Hobbit, He’s looking ahead.  He sees your tomorrow.  And you can stake the promise that when every need arises, He’s there in “the nick of time” for each of us.  

There is no need for us to look behind….unless of course we are counting our blessings…

Then, by all means, we should look behind, count them and thank The Giver of Life.

  

© 2014 Angie Knight- The Knightly News. All rights reserved.  (Portions previously shared also with Laced With Grace (2013); and StreetTalk Magazine.)

Life Issues, Trials, Trust, Wanda

Where Is Your Focus?

A. Knight

I read something that brought back a bittersweet reminder of my sister, Wanda, this morning….and because you are dear to my heart–and perhaps have a struggle or two of your own, I wanted to take just a minute and share it with you.

II Chronicles 20:12(b) …”neither know we what to do: but our eyes are upon thee.”

I have to tell you, in the instant I read that–after reading all of chapter 20, I “heard” her voice….”I don’t understand….(long pause for struggled breath)....we trusted God.....(another pause–suck in air and strength), “but I still trust Him.”

You know, there have been so many times I didn’t understand what God was doing (okay, clear confession, I RARELY understand)–but I know enough of His amazing power and love–to trust Him. That doesn’t mean that I don’t pause along the journey and ask a question or two…but I join with Ezra (as it is believed he wrote), we may not know what to do in the hardest of circumstances, “but our eyes are upon THEE.”

If the battle is hot before you–and you feel the pressure from the enemy surrounding your life…maybe you even see the dust they’ve kicked up from riding into your life–

lock your eyes on Him.  Our Savior.

The Lord came in to bring deliverance–to fight the battle for them–but read back at the beginning of the chapter to see what got God’s attention.  It surely wasn’t the fact that they continued doing their every day deal—“walking in oblivion to God”––

Jehoshaphat feared and set himself to seek the LORD–proclaiming a fast (II Chronicles 20:3).

Through the voice of Jahaziel, the LORD spoke to the people and told them “the battle is not yours, but God’s”.  

I’ve heard many people quote that verse–“just stand still–the battle is not yours”….but let me remind US all…

their preparation before the battle was what got GOD’S attention.

SEEKING God.

I’m afraid too often we want to carry on just like we have done– day after day–and expect God to just come in on our grounds, on our terms, and cooperate with us. Ha!

I can just imagine the expression of incredulity that passes the angel’s faces as they look at our pitiful selves trying to “go it alone” and get it all accomplished…(oh, all for His name sake of course)…leaving out the very One who gives us the breath we breathe every.single.day.  Let’s not forget that.

My heart cries out to Him today for the places in our lives where we have shut Him out…

for those of us who think–“the battle is too hot…we may as will throw in the towel”…

Friend, don’t do that.

A year or so ago, I had learned that someone I knew very well had decided to walk away from ministry…from the very voice of God.  It broke my heart–I wept–not understanding how they could possibly do that.

Since that day–I’ve learned–there are battles we face as believers in Christ that can become so incredibly intense and overwhelming that the enemy of our soul– leans in and whispers—“it’s too much.  Why don’t you go back to the simple way of living.  Why bother with all of this–you are only wearing  yourself out!  Go back to just worrying about yourself–stop fretting over all these other people”….

Well, you know exactly that is what he wants you to do…”stop”.  Recognize that raspy voice for who and what it is.  The enemy.  The pure stinkin’ devil.  He is set out to destroy you and me–he wants to stop you cold in your tracks–and keep you from doing what God has CREATED YOU FOR.

Do you want to shut the enemy up?  Write this down, or copy paste this and print it and STICK it to your mirror—READ IT OUT LOUD.

“I can do all things through CHRIST which stengtheneth me.  (Philippians 4:13) and BECAUSE HE GIVES ME STRENGTH, I forget those things which are behind me–I reach toward what is before me–and I PRESS TOWARD the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ JESUS.” (Phil. 3:13-14 paraphrased)

Don’t stop.  Don’t sit down.  We are getting close to the finish line.  Be steadfast in your journey.

When the enemy starts his talk…YOU START YOURS.

But do it OUT LOUD.  He does NOT have the ability to read your mind…all he can do is plant things there–and he knows he has succeeded when he sees your reactions…and when he hears your negativity–and when he sees you SIT DOWN.

There is no sitting down in the battle.  As I would tell my girls if they stayed too long in the bed on a Saturday when there was work to be done…. “Get your butt up and get busy!”

(Wow.  I cannot believe I just said that to you!…but really.  Get up.  We can’t win this sitting down.  WE MUST FIGHT.)

© Angie Knight- The Knightly News