You’ve heard the quote, “Life is like a bowl of cherries”, right? It’s actually from a song (I’ve never heard it) written by Lew Henderson in 1931 and actually written as “life is just a bowl of cherries”. Well, for us, life has been more blueberries.
Today, 42 years ago, we became husband and wife in Donalsonville, GA. Quite a unique story. It’s one for the records…pun intended, as we were married in the Radio Shack. It doesn’t exist anymore, but we do–by the grace and mercy of God.
You may think blueberries is an odd way to describe us. Well, let me tell you. You know when you are picking blueberries and you are picking fast–when you get home with your bowls and buckets of berries, and blue fingers, you dump them in the sink to give them a good rinsing…and you spy little leaves, and most likely some berries that aren’t quite ready…some that are “over-ready”. There is likely even a bug or two.
You remove the leaves and any bug. The green ones that snuck in there by accident have got to go. And you remove the ones that are downright squished. You’ve already decided on the jars for the jelly or jam. They’ve been washed and prepared. I can actually still see this going on in my granny’s old kitchen with it’s unleveled floor. She would have her handmade apron on and the hot kitchen would smell like sweet berries and pie. There would be a box fan sitting on the floor working as hard as it could to pull the hot June air out of the kitchen, only to circulate it right back in through the open window screens. Another box fan propped in the dining room window pulling air out to the hot Alabama summer.
The summer of blueberries I remember most vividly was the one in ’82. We drove up to the old log homeplace with it’s huge oak trees shading the road and house, and we parked near her pale green Monte Carlo. No one lived there except birds, snakes, mice and I’m sure some other critters. But there were two or three large blueberry “trees” in the back yard. They were actually bushes, but you had to use a ladder to get the ones from the top.
I can still see that little white haired granny of mine, standing on the ladder, with her sister, Votylee down below holding on to the ladder. Two little old ladies who had no business doing that–but as they say, “somebody had to do it”, or there would be no jelly. I called out to her as we rounded the corner of the house. We talked very briefly before I came right to the point. “Granny? Guess what?”
“What”, was her instant reply, in her little granny voice. “We got married today”.
“Whaaat?” This “what” was more drawn out in disbelief. She peered down at us, holding hands under the blueberry bush. She loved Jeff to pieces. He was a fishing buddy. She knew we were dating–but she was surprised at the suddenness.
I’m sure she asked a few questions, we answered and told her of our love for one another and then left her to her berry picking. When my life had fallen apart–Granny was who I moved in with. Later, I moved in with my cousin and we shared rent in an old house very near Granny’s.
Our life has had some leaves. It’s had some green berries that were not ready to be picked–and some that were over ripe. But in all the 42 years of our lives, we have made many beautiful jars of blueberry jelly (not really jelly, just a sweet life).
We’ve had to choose to discard the leaves and berries not fit for use in the jelly–and keep (in our memories) the best ones for jelly-making. There were times, if we both sat down with you face-to-face, we would tell you how hard it was. Very few people in our lives know the depth of the difficulties. But they also know the commitment–and the dedication that we have in our love for one another, and our family.
I asked Jeff last night if he wondered at times if we would make it. He quickly said, “no”. But he knew as well as I did, we both wondered in the extremely hard times. But God.
We chose God first. We put Him first. Yes, there were times we slipped and allowed other things or occupations, people, events, circumstances to overstep the boundaries; but we realized quickly what was happening and the destruction coming, and we lined things back up in the correct order: God, one another, our children, our extended family, church/jobs, then everything else.
It takes a daily exercise of purposeful love. We are much older than the 26 and 20 year old that we were. Our love has advanced to a strength that is what it is today ONLY because of God being first in our lives. Things aren’t always pretty. Days aren’t always fully of joy and giggles. Tears have ran more times than I would care to count… but the love and peace we have today is a testament to God’s faithfulness to His own.
We aren’t rich in money–but we are wealthy in love. We’ve had times where it was hard to buy groceries and pay all the bills. In this economy even now–there are struggles, just like everyone else. But the economy should have no bearing on the love inside the hearts and four walls of a home you build as husband and wife. If you only love when things are going well–you are in for trouble.
So, on our 42nd anniversary, we want to encourage you younger people… who are “thinking” of marriage. If God is not first in your life NOW, before marriage, it will be hard to make sure He stays first later.
If you are already married, and life just has more leaves and green berries, take the time to reorganize things. Prioritize your life in the order God meant it to be. Don’t compare your husband or your wife to another person. We are all individuals. You married them knowing who they were. What you loved about them in the beginning is still there. Find it. Stop wishing things were better–be intentional about the days you have NOW. Only you, your spouse, and God, can fix what’s wrong. Don’t be too proud to seek help. Christian counseling is available. (I’m not a counselor, but I do know a great one!).
It won’t work if only one is trying. This has to be a joint effort of 100% + 100%. It won’t be perfect. But God will be with you. If you aren’t willing to try–then I’m truly sorry for your spouse. And I will pray for you–both.
Get in the Word. Pray.
If you have devotions together, fantastic. If you don’t, it’s okay. BUT have devotional time with God yourself. The rest will come in time. Pray for each other. Make that a priority in your daily devotions.
You can still make the best blueberry jelly or jam in the world–if you remove the things that have no business in the jelly jar.
And don’t forget to add lots of sugar 😉
Photo credit: Blueberries, free from Pixabay.com
Bottom photo credit: Connie Haile, photographer extraordinaire.
Jeff & Angie 